deepundergroundpoetry.com
CLICK - - - for the Lingering Comp
I’m loading the washing machine
There’s a violent click
I am 6 years old
The cigarette sizzles and hisses
As it is stubbed out on my back
The bath water sloshed helps
But another one lit – repeat
I don’t scream loudly
I have learned not to
I scream through gritted teeth
And pray for it to stop
There’s a violent click
And I’m back in the room
Still loading the washing machine
I am setting the table for dinner
There’s a violent click
I am nine years old
I am forcibly draped over
A communion table
Men of the cloth and others
Take turns getting off
The madness feels endless
I do not scream loudly
It has never helped
I painfully grin and bare it
And pray for it to stop
There’s a violent click
I am back in the room
Shaken not stirred
I am watching a television comedy show
There’s a violent click
I am eleven years old
I got caught stealing today
The beating is coming
Oh god! It’s here
I am kicked and punched
Up and down the hallway
Dragged outside by the hair
Locked in the coal cellar
Black and blue and bleeding
I do not scream out
Why scream for more beatings
I whimper like a kicked dog
I pray for the pain to stop
I pray to get out of the darkness
There’s a violent click
I am back in the room
The show is over
The memories that linger
Like a background singer
I can easily deal with them
As a victim I can condemn
But the PTSD click
I cannot un-stick
It’s like being back in that place
And being forced to face
The fear and all of the pain
A pain clearly with no gain
There’s a violent click
I can’t write any more
Published 28th Jul 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 10
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
28th Jul 2017 9:45pm
Triggers never seem to fade, do they? I can relate to this one. People around here seem to get a kick out of deliberately startling each other. They don't even think about what responses the other person might have, what brought them to such a place or where it takes them when it happens. Good luck in the comp! Oodles of hugs on their way
29th Jul 2017 4:31pm
my trigger faded and were almost gone for 32 years - Heart by pass surgery and waking through it 3 times seem to have triggered the PTSD - the mind is a very strange thing. thank you for the read and understanding :-) sending you 1000 ehugs :-)
28th Jul 2017 11:33pm
This is a heartbreaking reality of the lingering effects of Trauma, my friend.
It's very well written, and takes us on a weaving journey through a victim of abuse and neglect of Love.
I pray it's cathartic and healing. Poetry is magic that way - releasing pain through the pen.
It's very well written, and takes us on a weaving journey through a victim of abuse and neglect of Love.
I pray it's cathartic and healing. Poetry is magic that way - releasing pain through the pen.
29th Jul 2017 4:35pm
writing it out is cathartic and healing, of that, I have no doubt :-) thank you friend, for understanding and caring :-)
Anonymous
29th Jul 2017 1:52pm
Fuck dude ! Felt every piece of this !!!
29th Jul 2017 4:37pm
I sometimes think that personal writes carry more power because they are real :-) I am glad you got something from it :-)
29th Jul 2017 4:54pm
reading this made me feel ill & then enraged.
i always read confessional poetry with a vain hope that it's fiction...
... you're an amazing man, d
#transatlantichugs
i always read confessional poetry with a vain hope that it's fiction...
... you're an amazing man, d
#transatlantichugs
30th Jul 2017 2:19am
Oh that it was fictional, unfortunately sometimes hope is in vain :-( thank you for such a kind comment, but I am just an ordinary Joe, possibly a bit different, trying to make the right choices :-) #BigScottishBearHugs
Anonymous
29th Jul 2017 9:58pm
David...I have to tell you, I barely got through the first stanza before I feel a deep need to hit the back button...but then I thought to myself, "no...this is my friend David...and I can't leave him...the pain he's endured will bring me that much closer to 'knowing' him...." and I kept on reading...I can't even begin to express what I feel here, from the infliction to the triggers which bring it all back as if vivid "in the now" reality...my heart aches for you, the man, for you the little boy, for you the young adolescent...I am so sorry...please feel tender arms wrap you in the most supportive hug possible over the transatlantic...
xoxo Taryn
xoxo Taryn
30th Jul 2017 2:25am
I think that's the most moving comments I have ever read :-( and a very special hug too - such a bright spot in a an ordinary day. I write this out because it helps, I am sure you understand that :-) Thank you my friend - 1000 ehugs on their way :-)
