I want you dead, but i hope you're not

hey, man, i miss you
no, not the new you
i miss the kid that i knew back in high-school
before we got addicted to all the drugs that would change you
into something even you can't stand

I tried to reach out to you
because i saw that you were drowning
and nobody seemed to care
and i'd been there too many times, so id be damned if i watched my brother sruggle and die

but what I saw as offering a second chance
you saw as opportunity to relive the past
and you grabbed my arm
so warm at first
and with a smile you pulled me back into the hurt

but all i could think is that at least you weren't alone
that you were out of that life and you finally had a home
but i realized too late that i'd fallen in too
i was drowning once again but was no longer next to you

you were safe on the shore and turning your back
and i swear i saw you grinning
i swear i heard you laugh
and i knew it was over, that it had to be over for good

and even though it killed me to swim back to land
and watch the rip-tide destroy you and pull you out again
i knew if i helped you it would mean my death
you cried out for help
but i couldn't be there
so now you curse my name with every breath you lace with despair

so get that "Selfish" tattoo on your fucking arm
because now i believe you; that's all you fucking are
I used to have hope for you but now its gone dark

I MISS MY FUCKING BROTHER AND IT'S BREAKING MY HEART
so just know that i miss you
the old not the new
know that i still love you
but i had to give up
i'm over the fighting, i wan't it to stop
i wish you the best little brother, i wish we weren't lost