Strange desire

Can’t resist the urge  
Or stop that strange desire  
So i take it in my hand  
Welcome to my  end  
This blade is so sharp that it slices my very soft skin like a hot spoon through butter  
One  
Two  
Three  
It is spilling easily  
i’ve got blood  
My blood is colorful  
it’s sometimes crimson or red  
I don’t know  
but it’s mostly blue  
yes blue  
my blood is stuffed by memories and old days  
when i shine brighter than the sun  
But the old days are over  
And by the time  
My blue blood becomes a sky waiting for the sun to shine again  
My blood becomes a wave  that could not swing between the shore again and again  
One  
Two  
And three  
The pleasure of this pain  
Makes me free  
One  
Two  
And three  
Never enough  
Or never free ?