finding neutral

sometimes i just want to get out of the way
pull myself from the situation
any situation
live in a neutral zone
where i can listen
perhaps even judge, though i would say assess
all sides
all joys
all sorrows
and see them as things, floating, existing
that you could touch
or fondle
push away
or knock out of orbit

caring is so noisy
projecting foregone conclusions
not giving moments their time to learn
being staccato upon largo
wringing the musicality out of an interchange
choking a perfectly good smile into a sausage without an intestine to put itself in

of course sometimes it is magical
grooves and airy flutes
and like a single fine stroke in golf i suppose
makes one come back for more

but i go for lengths of time not wanting it
introversionhood
that’s one hood i’m from
i enter that extraordinary extravertedable space every day
and i want balance of all of that good
with all the bad i can handle
not that introversion is bad
but it is an escape to a place where extraverts can be bad
one does not want to be bad on display
well maybe that is a thing
but not my thing
and not what i am talking about

so whether i am in a bad mood
or wishing to be in a bad mood
or wishing to be bad
i usually like it to be when i am alone
so as to not subject those around me
to that indulgence of thought
exposed to the poison of knowing of and living with things that one should ignore
but instead
i breath it in
take on its immensity
its horribleness
thinking that if i can simply stomach the idea of it
or even the it itself
then i am its master
and can come to no harm
if encountering the same thing
when i am an extravert next week

come on
put ‘em up
put ‘em up

but really i want to be at center
allowing all things to pull and tug at will
and i at the apex of that see saw
standing at the tip of the pendulum's string
am shaken not
but am in the perfect position
to admire all as beauty
the darken ugly kinky dirty busy bees
sung to by roses and butterflies and mockingbirds alike
i hereby knight you all...lovely