deepundergroundpoetry.com
On the blue fringe
Next time you walk under the moon
you'll see the blue in your shadow.
That's what you told me, and I draped your words
around my shoulders.
Melancholy seems to be in the air tonite,
I feel it rolling in with the rain.
Sadness chases it like cold beer
chases the pedantic burn of my whiskey.
but for him, it's strictly straight, no chaser.
And those trains...
I hear them come nightfall, just past a steel wind.
It's that kind of night I guess, cold and clear,
and a little more bitter than it used to be.
Lonely trains to nowhere, twilight shadows, my head
just as full as the moon.
My mind wanders in oblivious gardens; I find you there,
kiss you hard under a mottled sky,
hoping you'll hold me tightly so I don't drift away
when the sun sets fire to our most cherished decadence.
you'll see the blue in your shadow.
That's what you told me, and I draped your words
around my shoulders.
Melancholy seems to be in the air tonite,
I feel it rolling in with the rain.
Sadness chases it like cold beer
chases the pedantic burn of my whiskey.
but for him, it's strictly straight, no chaser.
And those trains...
I hear them come nightfall, just past a steel wind.
It's that kind of night I guess, cold and clear,
and a little more bitter than it used to be.
Lonely trains to nowhere, twilight shadows, my head
just as full as the moon.
My mind wanders in oblivious gardens; I find you there,
kiss you hard under a mottled sky,
hoping you'll hold me tightly so I don't drift away
when the sun sets fire to our most cherished decadence.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 1
comments 21
reads 1052
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. On the blue fringe
12th Apr 2017 12:23pm
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
That poetry, it takes us where we want to be. And hard, passionate kisses; they keep us warm, John. Thank you, for the pretty words, I keep them close...
Re. On the blue fringe
12th Apr 2017 12:58pm
I could feel every word Kasai...The imagery with the train is outstanding and enhances the poem... Tremendous
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Re: Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 3:58am
Re. On the blue fringe
Anonymous
12th Apr 2017 8:51pm
I love the reference to steel wind. The breath of this one is thick with longing and it speaks with a soul deep whisper. Beautiful
1
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 4:05am
That steel wind seems cold when the longing sets in deep, even when the sun warms our skin. Thank you for the thoughtful words...
Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 00:10am
and I draped your words
around my shoulders.
We wear them like wraps to keep us warm, don't we, Kas?
Beautiful write and image.
around my shoulders.
We wear them like wraps to keep us warm, don't we, Kas?
Beautiful write and image.
1
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 4:02am
Yes we do, it keeps us warm at night, keeps the cold from sneaking in. Thank you, Ahavati, always such lovely comments you leave me with...
Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 8:27am
...and those trains
Great line to chase the rain the beer and the whiskey
and the straight no chaser
the scene is set exquisitely
Great line to chase the rain the beer and the whiskey
and the straight no chaser
the scene is set exquisitely
1
Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 8:34am
...and those trains
Great line to chase the rain the beer and the whiskey
and the straight no chaser
the scene is set exquisitely
Great line to chase the rain the beer and the whiskey
and the straight no chaser
the scene is set exquisitely
1
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
18th Apr 2017 8:25am
Thanks so much, whale, I truly appreciate such kind words. Something about those trains, calling in the night...
Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 10:17am
This one benefits from being a little heavier on setting and character than a lot of your poems; I get a real sense of place from this. It feels like an actual story. It also has those dynamite phrases which are your signature, my favourite being the absolutely gorgeous: "Sadness chases it like cold beer/chases the pedantic burn of my whiskey."
I don't think that this is a poem that needs any punctuation or capital letters, as both are used fairly inconsistently and as a result distract the eye somewhat. But otherwise this is a masterpiece of form and content. x
I don't think that this is a poem that needs any punctuation or capital letters, as both are used fairly inconsistently and as a result distract the eye somewhat. But otherwise this is a masterpiece of form and content. x
1
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
15th Apr 2017 5:29am
A masterpiece, that's quite a compliment as is the RL. I have to say I really enjoy your poetry and it means alot coming from you. Thanks for the visit, Jack, and as always, the honest critique...
Re. On the blue fringe
13th Apr 2017 2:43pm
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
15th Apr 2017 5:30am
Re. On the blue fringe
14th Apr 2017 1:05am
This has really good rhythm, I think it would sound great read aloud and would exude strength, it has good form too...
1
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
15th Apr 2017 5:33am
I really appreciate the feedback, helps me to see from a different perspective and I always enjoy hearing your thoughts. Thanks for the visit, PR...
Re. On the blue fringe
16th Apr 2017 6:24pm
when the sun sets fire to our most cherished decadence.
words of steel
even the winds can't steal
lovely imagery
pierces every inch
words of steel
even the winds can't steal
lovely imagery
pierces every inch
1
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
18th Apr 2017 8:27am
Re: Re. On the blue fringe
9th Aug 2017 5:03pm
Re. On the blue fringe
Anonymous
21st May 2017 7:07pm
Sweet Kasai....that last stanza sealed up tight the ache and longing in this...it resonates and leaves my heart heavy...it may be dangling with blue fringe, but it always has that signature lavender hue...
xoxo Taryn
xoxo Taryn
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