Dear Mr.Never Happy

Dear Dad,
I thinks to myself...on days like today when I wish blood were thicker then water....

Would it kill you for one minute, one morsel of a second to be proud of me?

I''ve scratched my head, scratched my brow, poured everything out on a page such is the way you always wanted me too be.

You turn your head and ignore the effort that is put in and I'm left with a empty chest, but God dammit I'm still breathing!!!

Was my best not your pride and joy? What should have been mine...your greatest accomplishment.

You ignore it...like you fucking ignored me all those years of telling me... Lying to me...telling me you were proud of me...truth is an ice cold drink that burned my spirit...you never gave two shits...two pennies...a fucking damn about me.

Spent my youth attempting to impress you, to improve on the mistakes that made you doubt me...But They were never really mistakes, but I was.

I was the fucking burden on your shoulders, always in to something...always some where you didn't want me too be....but I was...and I am...

Your one track sides didn't leave room for error and I was an error the day I was born....Attention overload...this girl has a mind of her own.

You wanted me to live your dream....did you ever fucking ask me about my dreams?

I had them...have them you know...not that it matters you will only ignore them.

I could be...I am....everything you dreamed to be and still you can't stand to look at me.

The pain of you disposing of me like something you half ate wrapped up and discarded like yesterday's garbage is a cut that will always bleed.

You were everything...
I...
Wanted to be...
But I'm better then you dad...
Because I'm me!!!

My kids will live their dreams, will that make you shun them just as you shunned me. Will your shoulder face the cold and will you attempt to make them feel less then they will become?

Fuck You dad! I'm finally wrapping up what you wanted...finally letting you die without me....because that is truly the way you wanted it to be...
I was your mistake...
Your burden...
Toxic waste...

Sincerely,
The daughter you chose to hate.

(Author's Note: I have spent 13 years of my life trying to live up to this man's expectations and exceeded them time and time again....he would tell me hes proud of me, that he loves me, but...there was always a but!! Something I still needed to do in his eyes. Growing up I was the problem child...I took the wrong path...at 17 I was shipped off to rehab and at 18 I was pregnant... I did things backwards I fell in love- my dad hated him. I had a kid- my dad loved him was disappointed in me, and that didn't get better a few years later when I was a mother of 6. He wanted me to view them as mistakes and I could never look at my kids that way... he was constantly on my ass telling me I need to do this, I need to do that.I finished high school online and went on to become a licensed vet with a focus in animal/human behavior. I also picked back up writing and picked up quite a following, started my own business and separated from my husband, and opened up an animal rescue. Still it wasn't enough!! A few months ago I realized I was living for him, and not for me! We had a big fight over facebook after he posted on open wall for everyone to see a list of everything he felt I did wrong in life! My kids being 6 of them. He disowned me, told me I'd never be his daughter...it weighs heavy on my mind today for reasons I can not explain...)