deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Broken Circle
based on a plaque dedicated to the 16th-century Colchester martyrs, executed for their Protestant beliefs
The names adorn a marble plaque, outside
a hall in which exams and job fairs are held.
The monument recalls that age, weird and wide,
where personal philosophies may kill;
those parts of history hallowed and chill.
The steps of Colchester's town hall are hard,
and sharp in edge; un-carpeted marble, white
with night-black veins.
The etched remains of these dead Protestants
reside in this flat stone, to show a passerby
that nought survived the fires of this world.
Can the circle guiding us, from life to death
and life anew, break like hollowed bones
to leave us without lasting breath, alone
among our marble plaques? The martyred know,
or knew, perhaps.
The names adorn a marble plaque, outside
a hall in which exams and job fairs are held.
The monument recalls that age, weird and wide,
where personal philosophies may kill;
those parts of history hallowed and chill.
The steps of Colchester's town hall are hard,
and sharp in edge; un-carpeted marble, white
with night-black veins.
The etched remains of these dead Protestants
reside in this flat stone, to show a passerby
that nought survived the fires of this world.
Can the circle guiding us, from life to death
and life anew, break like hollowed bones
to leave us without lasting breath, alone
among our marble plaques? The martyred know,
or knew, perhaps.
Published 23rd Mar 2017
| Edited 27th Sep 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 9
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th Mar 2017 00:23am
I always look forward to and enjoy your posts for not only content but form as well. This one is packed full of the historical content that I love. Good poetry extends from the past into the present as an altered form of perception. Then through evolution continues into the future.
When poems are written about poems, and when poems inspire research, you know you've hit the nail on the head. And this one does...in content; however, where I feel it lacks is form.
It's off and doesn't flow well when read aloud. For example, why would you have a comma after plaque? It completely interrupted the flow, and I lost my footing continuing. Also, the "that" in L3 causes pause and reread. While I understand you're referring to an era, and I want to suggest "an", but I'm uncertain that would work. Also the semicolon after kill creates a sentence fragment vs the completion of a thought. I'd recommend nothing, but punctuation people like that sort of thing. If you do, then I'd suggest a comma.
You don't need the "and" in L7 ( nor the comma preceding it...but refer to my previous paragraph). I want to say "bare" marble but I can see how un-carpeted picks up the alliteration from hard and sharp.
I'm just going to stop here and ask who are you and what have you done with Jack? :D
Again, immensely enjoyed the content.
When poems are written about poems, and when poems inspire research, you know you've hit the nail on the head. And this one does...in content; however, where I feel it lacks is form.
It's off and doesn't flow well when read aloud. For example, why would you have a comma after plaque? It completely interrupted the flow, and I lost my footing continuing. Also, the "that" in L3 causes pause and reread. While I understand you're referring to an era, and I want to suggest "an", but I'm uncertain that would work. Also the semicolon after kill creates a sentence fragment vs the completion of a thought. I'd recommend nothing, but punctuation people like that sort of thing. If you do, then I'd suggest a comma.
You don't need the "and" in L7 ( nor the comma preceding it...but refer to my previous paragraph). I want to say "bare" marble but I can see how un-carpeted picks up the alliteration from hard and sharp.
I'm just going to stop here and ask who are you and what have you done with Jack? :D
Again, immensely enjoyed the content.
Anonymous
24th Mar 2017 11:47am
I too find some of the commas are unnecessary and distracting from what otherwise is an engaging historical insight. I would also consider replacing "may kill" with something like "certainly kill". Be blunt. It is history after all. No need to sugar coat it.
I do tend to over-punctuate! The way I write is old-fashioned and Victorian in that sense, of a time when commas were put in to separate subordinate clauses, as opposed to the more relaxed approach to punctuation we have now.
I've had this poem in mind for a while, dithering over whether to put it in free verse or some established form. In the end I went with a loose iambic pentameter with an irregular rhyme scheme. Thank you for your thoughtful and in-depth critique, Ahavati (and Blaze!), I really appreciate it, and may use it to make another edit of this poem. xxx
I've had this poem in mind for a while, dithering over whether to put it in free verse or some established form. In the end I went with a loose iambic pentameter with an irregular rhyme scheme. Thank you for your thoughtful and in-depth critique, Ahavati (and Blaze!), I really appreciate it, and may use it to make another edit of this poem. xxx
24th Mar 2017 1:31pm
24th Mar 2017 1:20am
how cold the fires are;
these tales told in martyred silences.
excellent...
these tales told in martyred silences.
excellent...
24th Mar 2017 7:55am
24th Mar 2017 7:55am
So much fire contained in the cold stone;
sharp edged, crisp and white, yet
tainted with blackest veins...
sharp edged, crisp and white, yet
tainted with blackest veins...
24th Mar 2017 1:45pm
Jack I thought the way you wrote the poem added to cold nature these people were treated.. your descriptions of the marbling and sharp edges of the steps only chilled me more..
great read..
love Brenda
great read..
love Brenda
24th Mar 2017 9:15pm
The pictured plaque helps us see the enormity of the atrocities (for an English town that was not in a war). Struck by the number of women among those martyrs, during a woman's reign too (of Mary Tudor).
