Withdrawal

I have the
song you dedicated
to me on repeat tonight

It hurts because
it was the one song
you sang to me and
i'd rest beautifully
falling asleep to your
precious voice as you sang

& my God,
did I love how
softly you sang
how you wrapped me up
in the perfection of your
a c c e n t

I remember how
in the very beginning
you
called me
& your (ex)partner
found out.
I was in class and
you rang straight away

you threw away three years
of devotion for me and I,
threw away two years of
devotion for you
(before throwing our relationship
to the hounds of hell)

I miss the way
you'd roll a cigarette
and laugh at how I called them 'fags'

I miss the simplicity
of us
before we realised
we were both paradoxes
never to be unravelled
by anyone,
let alone each other.

My darling?
You will always be
the one whose lust breathed fire
upon my palms
whose love was a drug

It's just that
I overdosed without knowing
and I had to let you go
I'll never love as deeply
as fervently,
as gorgeously as
I loved you.

Every love
will be a pseudo-adoration

as for the one I left for you?
He walked back into my life and
invited me to love him
after I broke his heart for
you.

you. you. you.
& i love him still
even after he
fucked me over without
ever fucking me

but I will
never
ever
give myself fully
to another human being.

Angel,
you were it
you will always be it