Motherless

They say there's power in words
They say the truth will set you free
But how do I sleep when my whole family lied to me?
How do I mend the things I never knew were broken?
When my mother went she left the front door wide open
 
How do I begin to say that I found myself in pieces
The feeling of being lost grips me as quickly as it releases
It breaks my heart to understand I'll never know my mother
There are things only a son can hear from a mom and not another
 
I can't begin to mend myself before I know what's gone
It feels like I'm still kept in the dark and I know it's wrong
The one person who was supposed to care for me
Was the one person who was never there for me
 
I don't remember her voice
Nobody will tell me the stories
I remember her smile
But they don't smile when I say her name
 
I feel like recently I've been losing touch
Always looking looking but everyone says I'm too much
Maybe I'm just trying to be louder than the rest
To distract the world from this hole inside my chest
 
What hurts the most is when they say she'd be proud
When I hear that I want to turn and disappear into the crowd
You have no idea about that which you speak
How could she be proud of me if I've been so weak?
 
Why would she be proud that her one and only son  
Is following her path of black that leads towards the gun
I'm fucking up and the fucked up thing is I can clearly see  
That the life I'm living is cracked and it doesn't reflect me
 
I've lost my way but at least I know it
I still have a seed of hope and I think it's time to grow it
I'll find the words to fix myself and I'll say them out loud
Because when I see my mom again
I just want her to be proud