deepundergroundpoetry.com
Solipsism
Measure me in liters of blood,
inches, pencil lead wasted, gone,
kevlar vests strapped on, all pierced,
every one cracked down the middle.
Take me seriously, take me lightly,
hesitate, but do so fleetingly—
everyone wants to spin the cylinder.
Endanger me, throw yourself into it,
never imagining it was more than it is,
grasping at the well-worn borderline as
it was intended for use. Take the barrel,
nerves exploding, aim and fire, hold it up,
every instinct screaming to aim and fire,
every twitch the closest you've ever come,
revel in the consciousness, the alivBANG.
[i]**Written for the "What's in a name?" thread.**
inches, pencil lead wasted, gone,
kevlar vests strapped on, all pierced,
every one cracked down the middle.
Take me seriously, take me lightly,
hesitate, but do so fleetingly—
everyone wants to spin the cylinder.
Endanger me, throw yourself into it,
never imagining it was more than it is,
grasping at the well-worn borderline as
it was intended for use. Take the barrel,
nerves exploding, aim and fire, hold it up,
every instinct screaming to aim and fire,
every twitch the closest you've ever come,
revel in the consciousness, the alivBANG.
[i]**Written for the "What's in a name?" thread.**
Published 16th Aug 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 1137
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 16th Aug 2011 3:48am
16th Aug 2011 3:41am
A dark and scary poem which takes a philosophical concept then applies it to personal torment. It reminds me of a scene in Vladimir Nabokov's novel Lolita where the main character, Humbert Humbert, is overcome with secret desire as his landlady's twelve-year old daughter arranges her legs on his lap. For a few minutes he imagines the girl is his own creation, that he made up the entire scenario and the world outside.
Solipsism must seem like such a well of comfort to those caught in terrifying extremes of emotion. For me it was almost the nail in the coffin of my sanity.
The one suggestion I'll make is that in the third line of the second stanza you move "as" down to begin the fourth. The break there really jarrs me.
Solipsism must seem like such a well of comfort to those caught in terrifying extremes of emotion. For me it was almost the nail in the coffin of my sanity.
The one suggestion I'll make is that in the third line of the second stanza you move "as" down to begin the fourth. The break there really jarrs me.
16th Aug 2011 9:44pm
The best part is, I'm still not quite sure what caused the words to come out (as I wasn't writing about any specific idea), and the name came about last, almost as an afterthought. The only thing I started with was my username spelled vertically, as per the forum thread. That also explains the admittedly sore-thumb "as" which you mention. Thanks for the read, comment and RL add.
16th Aug 2011 10:02pm
weren't writing about a specific idea? my heavens, Mike! [: grand stuff. i'm afraid this 'time' is suiting you very well...quite enviably, in fact.
16th Aug 2011 10:15pm
I know, it's sort of a scary thing, just letting words come out instead of laying them carefully. (And yes, I know I said I'd stop posting for awhile, it's not going well...) Thanks for the read and comment!
22nd Sep 2011 6:35am
i had to look up 'Solipsism' first ;p
now i have added a new word to my vocab hehehe.
Seriously though, great writing for something that transpired off the cuff.
now i have added a new word to my vocab hehehe.
Seriously though, great writing for something that transpired off the cuff.
22nd Sep 2011 7:02am
Well it's certainly a powerful word--glad I could help. Reading's my favorite way of building vocabulary. Thanks for the comment!
