A Good Rogering

Had a drink last night

Woolly head

Door bell rings

‘Oh go away’ I said

To my empty room

It’s too bloody soon

 

It rings again, sodding pain

I go

There she stood lookin’ good

‘Hello’ said I picking goo from my eye

‘Hi’ she said a smiling, simpering, beguiling

‘I know you haven’t seen me for years

I’m Mary’s daughter, all grown up’

Which Mary would that be? I thought

Was she the daughter of someone I’d taught?

 

Before I could say boo

And, with little ado, she whirled into the house

‘Come on Roger get dressed I’m taking you for lunch’

‘Very kind of you’ I said

‘Best bib and tucker if you please’

Well, all will be revealed in the fullness of time I thought

Not turning down a lunch free bought

We teachers aren’t so posh that we turn down gratis nosh

It didn’t make any sense, but, loath to give offence,

I did as bid

 

Grand hotel, splendid lunch, thanks a bunch

Then home and to bed, like we were wed

I’ll surely wake up soon, I dread

After we’d done the deed she said

‘So, where shall we go on holiday?’

USA? Singapore way?

‘We’ll fly first class,  I expect’

 I scratched my arse and looked perplexed

What the hell was coming next?

As we’d lunched I’d just grunted and munched

Whilst she talked of people I didn’t know

So

I remained silent awaiting a clue

Like you do

And then the sex

It’s rude to interrupt a pretty girl

When she wants her wicked way

 So I didn’t say

‘Who the hell are you?’

 

‘What?’ I quavered ‘I can’t afford that’

‘Have you lost your mind or what?’

‘Roger’ said she impatiently

‘You’ve just won the bloody lottery’

‘You put it on Facebook last night, right?’

‘I want to help you celebrate’

‘We’ll have fun, It’ll be great.’

I switched on my phone and all was revealed

Was my fate now sealed?

‘Oh’ I said, ‘I’m not Roger Dodger, I’m Roger Bodger

Roger’s lodger’

Her eyes looked as hard as two dried peas on a sack of shit

I thought I was going to be hit

I’ve never seen a girl climb into her drawers so quick

‘You prick!’

‘Why didn’t you say? Where’s Roger anyway?’

‘Dunno’ I said, shaking my head

‘Probably in London collecting his money

Anyway, your secret’s safe with me honey

Don’t be galled nor yet appalled

And when Roger gets back

I’ll tell him you called’