deepundergroundpoetry.com
PYRE ADIEU
{Written for the "Voices from the stake" competition)
Thank you for inviting me
to your village witch-fry
I am touched to see so many
have come to see me die
To curse you lo these happy years
gave me such great pleasure
making real your cherished fears
sweet memories I will treasure
I promise to resume my terror
just as soon as we are done
you will pay for your grievous error
but for now let’s have some fun
I swoon, overcome with emotion
to observe your glee positively ardent
know this, online I found a potion
now like kid’s pajamas
I am flame-retardant
Thank you for inviting me
to your village witch-fry
I am touched to see so many
have come to see me die
To curse you lo these happy years
gave me such great pleasure
making real your cherished fears
sweet memories I will treasure
I promise to resume my terror
just as soon as we are done
you will pay for your grievous error
but for now let’s have some fun
I swoon, overcome with emotion
to observe your glee positively ardent
know this, online I found a potion
now like kid’s pajamas
I am flame-retardant
Published 18th Oct 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 10
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
18th Oct 2016 7:24pm
Fun write Gahdess! Flame retardant, eh? It'd be nice to get that pyre to backfire somehow. Curses take so damned long, and there's too much at stake. Thanks for the thrill and great punchline!
18th Oct 2016 7:35pm
Crow, I am glad that you enjoyed the piece. Your opinion, to me, matters. I had a blast writing this.
What a wonderful title for a poem!
Aah jealous at that
Well in terms of the poem if you going to write a "combustible goodbye" well I'd say this is exactly how you do it.
The rhyme scheme is fantastic in that it took until I was in the 3rd stanza before I realised you had one.
Whilst your metering is not intended it's subtly bringing a beautifully demonic voice to the narration; which I feel should hold you in good steed in terms of the topic prompt.
The content is both relevant and vulnerable.
The ending though...
"like kids pyjamas
I'm flame retardant"
Brilliant! So clever and so wonderfully dark in it's delivery.
All this is to say good luck in the comp.
It's a perfect entry
Kindest Blue Skies @ you
Al ;)
Aah jealous at that
Well in terms of the poem if you going to write a "combustible goodbye" well I'd say this is exactly how you do it.
The rhyme scheme is fantastic in that it took until I was in the 3rd stanza before I realised you had one.
Whilst your metering is not intended it's subtly bringing a beautifully demonic voice to the narration; which I feel should hold you in good steed in terms of the topic prompt.
The content is both relevant and vulnerable.
The ending though...
"like kids pyjamas
I'm flame retardant"
Brilliant! So clever and so wonderfully dark in it's delivery.
All this is to say good luck in the comp.
It's a perfect entry
Kindest Blue Skies @ you
Al ;)
19th Oct 2016 5:56pm
Thank you so much Al. I sincerely appreciate your analysis of the poem because I need to know that I'm on the right track with meter and flow. I enjoyed writing this piece and you have made my efforts more worthwhile.
19th Oct 2016 7:36pm
Ha! Great ending! I was not expecting that. I was expecting
a haunting from the grave or something. Or, ash...that is.
Best of in the comp!
a haunting from the grave or something. Or, ash...that is.
Best of in the comp!
19th Oct 2016 7:56pm
Thank you so much Ahavati. I am glad you were surprised by the ending as that was my intention. I was once told to never laugh at my own jokes but I will admit to laughing while writing this piece.
Anonymous
20th Oct 2016 9:09pm
Brilliant my dear..'' I promise to resume my terror
just as soon as we are done
you will pay for your grievous error
but for now let’s have some fun''...
Serious thought in this write..
✨Trish
just as soon as we are done
you will pay for your grievous error
but for now let’s have some fun''...
Serious thought in this write..
✨Trish
20th Oct 2016 9:19pm
Thank you so much Trish. It makes me happy to know that you like my work. I shall live to write another day :)
11th Nov 2016 10:30pm
11th Nov 2016 11:07pm
Thank you Jen! I enjoyed very much writing this piece. I appreciate your words of encouragement.
