From Loathing to Love

 I love that I love me.

I remember back to the days
when I hated myself.
Alone, and lonely
Just getting up
to greet the day
seemed like such a chore.
Back in the days of self disdain,
It was hard to even
look at myself in the mirror.
Avoiding the gaze
of my most critical critic,
myself.
In those days,
I would hide away from the world,
Lost in television,
or meaningless internet games,
I would aspire to the nothingness
that would help me to forget
who I thought I was.

Hating myself allowed me to
despise the world even more,
blaming all that's outside of myself
for all the world's ills.
Projecting my internal displeasure
on everyone else.

So, sad, so mad,
Seldom glad.

And because of you,
my friends
and family
I have learned to love myself.
Not for who I want to be
or who I think I am,
but for the kind, caring person
that I actually am.

Now that I love myself,
beyond delusions,
I can leave myself open
to truly love you
all that much more.

Without the blackness covering my heart,
I am now open.
The portal that is my heart
is now open before you.

Now I truly love you,
As I have come to love myself.

Beyond all the pain,
I will feel again,
I know this love is true.

I love you all,
for the mirror to my soul
has opened through your hearts,
and that true spark of friendship
in your eyes.

I hated hating me.

For I love
to
Love