an addict in autumn

As these leafs in front of me scratch the concrete
carried from a distant breeze moving east
i see my summer dreams float towards the sea,
i believe the seasons are healing,
nature repeatedly gives my life meaning,
but as the air becomes crisp,
i think of the opportunities i missed,
it seems tragic,
matter of fact I'm stuck in past habits,
dabbling in the acts of an addict,
attracted to the dose,
i guess i am just pragmatic,
but life goes on,
the leafs continue to fall,
nah, it all falls down,
I've been here before,
i know how to play this part,
by now it isn't hard to fall apart,
all i know how to do is restart,
this heart is broken,
soaking in self-loathing,
Choking
losing focus,
Coping,
Floating in emotions,
hording Stolen potions,
Hoping to be golden,
But you notice I am not joking,
My life is closing in around me,
I need to relapse back into reality,
The fact is I am trapped,
One more sack but this time
I can barely breathe,
Each inhale is heavy,
This feeling is heavenly
Weak knees buckle,
I give no struggle,
Lay on my back as my mouth bubbles,
I fell in autumn and let my soul crumble.