the last smoke

I’m changing my comment. You don’t need me telling you how to do anything. You are a smart person, and you will do whatever it is you need to be who YOU are.

thank you Jerry i'll see what I can do time will tell..

love Brenda

You're the last of them to put an egg beater in my skull... where are they all?

aw they're still around just not hearing from them as much anymore and I miss them..

love Crim

I'd offer you a harsh critique but this is too damn good Crim.  Your honesty inspires, and your craft makes me wish I had your gift for lines.  One thing:  I think you're too hard on yourself.

I miss the artist I was
finding myself blown away
just ashes from the last smoke
blown across the page

I think that artist is still there.  Harsh times have made you a better writer, not a trail of ashes.  Fine work Lady!  

thank you Sir Crow you're the third person to tell me i'm too hard on myself this week..

love Crim

Love this honest piece.
I understand the feeling of missing.
It is a deep mourn. I, have been there, in a different close knit community.
It makes you feel as though you are isolated on an island.
So sorry. Very tough seasons to weather.
Your ink bleeds. It moves.
It speaks into the depths.
No one can do it...like you can, my friend. 💓

thank lovely Heart i'm so happy for those that are here just missing a few people..

love Crim

As we change through time, sometimes we want to go back to who we were, and who we were with.  It sucks when we can't go back.  I feel your emotion here.  Very deep and longing.

thank you for understanding it is a bit rough when people move on..

love Crim

Miss Crim, Miss Crim. . .could you believe I actually posed this question to another Old School DU`er. . .I did however, see my last BFF, GiGi last week, since then I haven't seen her [we had Jimmy Choo's in common;)]. . .And oh yes do I remember those ink~ballers and some of the hits I had sustained as a Newbie; times were a bit rougher then, something you and I can both agree on. . .But hey, Woman, we are still here, and I do hope I make it to year 5!. . .I love this piece, and shall keep it as a treasure as well as a reminder; thanks for penning it;). . .love you. . .~Devlin/TS

thank you graciously my Queen for being here and remembering with me.. I love GiGi and have been happy to see her popping in.. yeah wasn't it grand and looking back kind of thrilling to be critiqued like that?

I love you..

xo Brenda

Flowing like the hard hitter you are, damn malady. You hooked me a long time ago. I'm here for the long haul. Nothing else like that midnight smoke.
Trish

thank you most kindly lovely Trish grateful you're staying :)

love Brenda

aw you are a hard hitter Todski I just was remembering a time when they we're all on the field at once it was quite something.. thank you for reading me..

love Brenda

thank you Todski for the honest critique I always get wordy when I write.. I do the same thing when I paint always over doing it.. made the changes you recommended and think it reads much better.. you're deeply appreciated..

love Brenda

there are some who go away & return from time to time,
bring back fresh poetry. we watch for them, Crim.
was easier to swing the bat when we were younger...

they do come back sometimes and it's a thrill.. so grateful for your presence..

love Crim

such Gnostalgia For A Limited Time Only.!

a most well put together piece

thank you Daniel for the read and follow :)

love Brenda

People come, people go... I try not to miss them too much. I know people have to do what is right for them. They best way to honor the past is to keep going strong.

thank you DC you're right of course and I will :)

love Crim

I concur with Todski
All his points are valid.

Now what on earth are you thinking dammit?
You use lower case "i" half the time and then suddenly you come with "I" to throw the write away.

Geez woman either go gramatically correct or don't. Whats with the half assedness there.

Awhile is an adverb meaning for a while, and it only works where it would bear replacement with that three-word phrase. Where for a while wouldn’t work in its place, it is probably not an adverb, so it should be two words: a while.

Geez that's two in the first line, your piece needs edits much.
But lets have sex first!

-x-

thank you Al your verbal lashing got me creamy ;)

just the way I love it :)

made the changes you suggested..

love Brenda

Need to run your eye accross that second line to.
I'm worrying about the last line in the first stanza..
smoked like there won't be another"
We can do better!

smoked like a Ford pick up with a burnt head?
smoked like a Sunday bbq made with green wood?
smoked like the last breath underwater?
smoked like the last cigarette on earth?
smoked like a teenager's first joint?

-x-

P.S. I still reckon sex first and then the last smoke ;)

I love you Al :)

xo Brenda

i had this talk wit another writer this morning...
... i swear all our asses seem to like cigarettes with the amount of smoke being blown up them lol n
i hear you, beautiful one,
there is a certain lack that will not be filled
xoxox

beautiful Katja you are one of the voices i've been missing lately so grateful you're back.. when it comes to critique there are very few I know that would even come close to being qualified to offer any helpful advise you are in a class all your own with the beauty and depth of your writes..  
 
thank you lovely one for being here..  
 
love Brenda

Nice sharing of feelings...

Enjoyed,

-ed

p.s. You can say you were talking with me, shadoe, I don't care, lol...

thank you graciously Ed..

love Brenda

I haven't been here long,but your words were felt just the same.
Only a talented poetess could conquer such a feat.
Well done,as always Crimsin....

thank you lovely Kasai graciously..

love Crim

You are such an amazingly adaptive artist.  When you speak, you speak beauty...because you speak with truth.  Exquisite...
Willow

you're so gracious lovely Willow thank you..

love Crim

You are so pointe my ladyloves!,
I know this feeling..this damn feeling,
...where is my smoke, oh wellI'll blow
anyway and pray some come out

I love this a lot..


-Howlings

beautiful Howlings you're always on fire plenty of smoke pouring from your soul..

love Crim

Ms. Brenda
There is a definite feeling of loss and sorrow within this write. It is as always a fearless and honest write .
They will always be with you...in your ink..those that helped you along the way.

Love
Keith

thank you Keith what a beautiful way of seeing things :)

xo Brenda

Brenda.. this is lovely.. loved the baseball analogy.. love you!!




Dave

thank you kindly Dave :)

love Brenda