Awaken

... Benji - then it is essential you don't make basic errors. You owe it to yourself and your audience to tidy up the mistakes in lines 5 & 16.
The solution is easy of course - always triple check everything before you post.
The theme of possession is an interesting one, if you had spent longer working on this I'm sure you could have produced something much worthier which does justice to your own feelings & the potential I see here.
Keep writing ~ Abra.

potential?seriously?

If you want to treat your own poetry like comedy club no-one is stopping you. If you want it to become something more than that, then perhaps you would do well to start taking yourself seriously. An important step to becoming a writer is recognizing your own potential and the potential in others - without that we may as well all quit now - & be sure to read some decent poetry before your next post.
Best ~ Abra

thank you abra and okay?

I love it! I didn't realize any mistakes...  I get caught up in the emotion of the write so mistakes are out of sight out of mind...   But from now on I will check to make sure I didn't make any mistakes and if so I would want to be told! I believe that constructive critisism is knowledge and I'm more than willing to learn...

thank you very much :)

Sorry i had to come back and read it again causes it's tight! The whole thing is awsome but I love the last two lines.

hahahaha thank you :)