you still Piss me off!

It has been almost 50 years and I still hate you Tess and your Species!

You at 15 was the neighborhood bully with no girlfriends,
I was almost 11 and bullied by a brother who wanted to keep me in my place.
It was obvious that that we were a very strange couple
probably more out of self-pity than any real friendship or mates.

I was with you in the scrub when nature did call,
I found a hairy caterpillars nest and did piss upon it in delight.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw you pull your pants down and thought you would do the same
A second later you threw me on the ground.
You pinned my shoulders to the ground with your heavy knees
My hands you held behind my back, “Get fuck  off of me ... please!”

You grabbed your dress and threw it over my face
I only saw only a spotted darkness in your haste.
Then all my horrors were suddenly realized
As you let go a steady stream and pissed upon my face!

I screamed in horror as it felt like battery acid
and the urine smelt like all your hate, despair and repulsion.
Then you got off me and ran away laughing
I was in shock, lying on the ground and was still gasping.

I crawled away and and hid under a fallen tree
I didn't want anyone to see the disfigurement in me.
I cried and I cried trying to wash my face in tears
then there you destroyed the rest of my boyhood years!

If I had of been a woman you would have called it rape,
to me it was a violation of my trust and fate.
For I was too young to know about sex and all that,
I was the object of your sadistic revenge when sat.

You taught me two things that I didn't want to know
You taught me to hate myself with the utmost disdain,
And I could never trust another woman again,
without the hate, and the fear of that rain.

I learned to avoid the girls when I when to school,
I even hid behind bushes acting like an absolute tool!
I could not feel the emotions like everyone should
they became jumbled as I hid beneath my hood.

I tried to believe that I was gay and not interested in that motion,
I experimented as such and it was without any emotion.
For I was attracted to something that I hated
I was depressed, for that is what I was fated.

I hung around with Nerds to avoid that sort of crap,
I hung around with Gays to act as my shield,
and I hung around with regular blokes,
I fluttered from one to another just to avoid being the jokes.

As I got older I found I could date with a skin full,
The girls got fewer as the time got to pass,
For without that Dutch courage I was not going to ask,
and I would always leave the bar as the very last.

There were girls who I was keen on,
who invited me back into their units,
I always could fain a headache
to avoid having to make that same mistake.

My friends though it was strange that I couldn't date twice,
I  was becoming a drunkard with the same vice,
Some suspected that I was gay,
I let them believe it, for that easier that way.

When I met women my emotions become twisted,
for I can not look any without the thought being piss'ted,
When I feel anger I show some love, and when I am sad it shows as anger,
And the emotion of love comes out somewhat mixed with great fear.

For it has been almost 50 years and I still hate you Tess and your Species!