Drifting: Journal Collection - Exhibit A

[and I would have drowned    
if I had let myself swim too far out    

but no worries
I'm a strong swimmer ]  Fantastic metaphor!

I like this, all grown up.

thank you so much, Aish! [:

I like the first version better, can't please everyone haha

Lovely poem, glad it is available to read again :)

thank you! it's about to have another few tweaks. this one's been nagging at me since i posted the first time. [:

i am still lovin this jessta,though i have to agree with cristian, i did like the first version.
you have cut some good lines,but i am sure you had your reasons.

pleasure to read,jessta


p.s thanks for the credits.:)

no worries; thanks for the tips! [:

thanks, Rascal, though i would still consider myself a novice as i've only been at this poetry business for a year. it's nice to hear that it's got even a bit of a quality to it. [:

Such a unique form of expression
and word play; simple yet profound.

thank you so much, dahlusion! welcome to DU, i look forward to seeing your work. [:

I look forward to reading your comments!

you say a lot with a little; have to agree-- simple yet profound; good write!

not my best for sure, but my writing fairy's buggered off so i've resorted to editing older scribbles. [:
thanks for stopping in. [:

This is freaking hilarious!  I love the tone of this poem.  
 
I have no idea what version I'm reading but I don't have any strong suggestions at that time.  Having said that...  
 
Maybe you could rewrite "it's just not the case" to something like:  
"it's just  
not  
the case" (leave the "but" just where it is)  
For the purposes of a sort of stuttered and over exalted emphasis (assuming that's what you're going for).  This is just a suggestion of course.  
 
The second to last stanza ("but no worries"), is this an afterthought?  I wondered about putting it in italics to sort of justify having it in a stanza all by itself, but also to de-emphasize it a little bit. I don't know if others would agree with that. I guess the argument could be that italics is usually for emphasis.  Don't know, but I feel like it needs some sort of indication that it's a tangent (if indeed it is).
 
That's all I've got though.  This made me  
smile  
hard. :)

haha, thank you! [: i was hoping it would be taken with some humor because it was definitely supposed to be more upbeat. i almost put it in the upbeat category but it suited better here, i thought, in general.  
 
i'll take a better look at your suggestions in about a week and a half when i get some internet at my house. :D thanks again!

Loved the way you ended this, those last five lines create a force to be reckoned with, being as this is exactly how I feel sometimes. The rest was really good to, for some odd reason I felt like I was lost at sea or something, I don't know why, just had this feeling of being lost and that's not a bad thing since when your lost then you only discover such great things in life, like your poem. Never quite had a feeling like that though, unique.

whoa, thank you! best thing is to have someone be able to relate it to their life... and i've had serious doubts lately that i can create the feeling to go with the words... so thanks again. pleasure to have you 'round. [:

Dear Jesta.

Do you think you could possibly move to Scotland?

Over here we have the following:
Irn-bru
Haggises (though they taste nice to some,
they are tricky little Bastards to catch)
Turnip
Mint Aero hot chocolate
And plenty of hilarious drunk people to talk to
on the way into the local Spar shop
at any time during the day

no?

Hmm.. How about i offer to do you're hair
on an hourly basis?
(not that it needs anything done)

Oh come on, You know you want to!!

My only requirement is:
That you follow me around all day and just talk!
We all know, here on DUP
that you have the best voice ever heard of
and a chipper
Beautiful nature to match

I salute you Ma'am
and you are a light to us all
Even if we only hear you speak :)

So

What do ya say? ;)

i say.... you are one of the very few most wonderful women i have ever met in my life... so when is the wedding? and good lord, what shall i wear? as i now am aware that my hair will be done to perfection at all hours of the day. :D xx

p.s. our honeymoon will be comprised of poetry readings
to and by each other. and if i read that letter one more time
my head will likely explode. [:

Yaaaasss!!

Now I feel like singing that song from 'The little rascals'
I've got a dollar.. Hey hey hey hey

I 'm even doing the dance!

ok, ok, i'll give in to a li'l booty shake for that tune as well...

beam! :D

You are quite the talent.  Well done here.

Strider

hey, mucho appreciado, Strider, thank you. [:

Very nicely written. I'm a fan..