Turpintine Smile (Revised)

I laid out there like a carcass in a cartoon in the distance letting patience decide wether or not I'm able to hold the title of relationship misfit
the king of misplaced intentions
I hold my truths to be self-evident playing out 1 - 100 apocalyptic scenarios in my head just to get away from the thought of you. I'm a civilian civil in the way I construct this notion of us and at least three times a day I wanna say fuck
what am I gonna do. I don't feel comfortable in my skin and my music doesn't seem to get loud enough to drown out the good times
Come to think of it this skin is tight
And I get to be a bit clumsy staying up these late nights I just need to say
After you left I felt lighter 
After I took that lighter to your paintings I felt nauseous 
Not so much because it was yours 
It was because it was art. Hope trapped in color.
I laid melting into the grass watching as smoke woven memories rose high enough 
for the wind to carry them into oblivion 
I struggled to figure out if this was a mistake 
I tend to confuse self control with letting go 
And mistake liberation for starting over 
Which coincidently looks a lot like work 
Fast forward a few weeks 
I'm still showing up for life 
Making due with a mixture of what I got and God given talent 
I often pass by that lawn filled outline of a body that's no longer there 
Dodging acrylic and canvas residue- I accept that it will be this way for awhile. 
Yet every time I pass, all I can think is this is where I was reborn