deepundergroundpoetry.com
Soul
Something in the air,
I think I feel it moving,
Whisper in the wind,
I think I hear it calling,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
Presence, maybe desperation,
Placebo, halts my elevation,
Searching for the secret,
something I can envisiage,
Habit of jumping to conclusions,
These must be mental illusions...
Something in the air,
I think I feel it moving,
Whisper in the wind,
I think I hear it calling,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
Years since I had you near,
I'd almost overcome the fear,
now I hear you in my dreams,
I'm so glad I don't hear screams,
Is this it, the great reunion?
Or maybe just my grand delusion?
I feel something,
in my bones,
in my blood,
I feel something,
calling me,
calling me,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
Something in the air,
I think I feel it moving,
Whisper in the wind,
I think I hear it calling,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
I think I feel it moving,
Whisper in the wind,
I think I hear it calling,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
Presence, maybe desperation,
Placebo, halts my elevation,
Searching for the secret,
something I can envisiage,
Habit of jumping to conclusions,
These must be mental illusions...
Something in the air,
I think I feel it moving,
Whisper in the wind,
I think I hear it calling,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
Years since I had you near,
I'd almost overcome the fear,
now I hear you in my dreams,
I'm so glad I don't hear screams,
Is this it, the great reunion?
Or maybe just my grand delusion?
I feel something,
in my bones,
in my blood,
I feel something,
calling me,
calling me,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
Something in the air,
I think I feel it moving,
Whisper in the wind,
I think I hear it calling,
telling me secrets...
telling me secrets...
Published 16th Mar 2016
| Edited 17th Mar 2016
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Mar 2016 1:10am
hullo
first off, I think the refrain is marvelous. I like the idea of mixing rhyme with freestyle. it runs fluid enough.
maybe try find a word to replace great on the last line of the fourth stanza.
I have a suggestion for the first stanza. if you take out 'message' after secret.and take out the 'that' on the line after, then read it to yourself and see what you think , I think it helps the meter of the stanza
I enjoyed reading this, fair play. struck me as new and fresh
keep shinnin'
first off, I think the refrain is marvelous. I like the idea of mixing rhyme with freestyle. it runs fluid enough.
maybe try find a word to replace great on the last line of the fourth stanza.
I have a suggestion for the first stanza. if you take out 'message' after secret.and take out the 'that' on the line after, then read it to yourself and see what you think , I think it helps the meter of the stanza
I enjoyed reading this, fair play. struck me as new and fresh
keep shinnin'
17th Mar 2016 1:18am
Thanks for the great comments and the advice, I actually have changed what you suggested and I do prefer it. Replaced "great" with "grand" as it sounds different without losing it's meaning.
Much appreciated. :)
Much appreciated. :)
