"In My Head"

In my lair, my body is about to drop.
What will it take for me to stop?
I'd rather fake a smile than frown.
Consider me the happy sad clown.

Isolation, fear and depression.
What's the reason for my obsession?
I'm here with all these questions.
No answers regarding resurrection.

I need help but I refuse to accept it.
I wish I could forget all of it.
It's two in the morning;
I'm raging and mourning.

I'm unsure of what lies ahead.
I'm unpredictable in the head.
I'm killing myself with this substance.
I'm going the extra distance.

Why can't we love ourselves?
Why do I reach for the shelf?
Resentment is in the air tonight.
Awaiting my departure, taking flight.

Fear no man, feel no wrath.
Fear not the past.
Like everything else, nothing ever last.
Life's what you make of it, I'm having a blast.

I'm stuck in my head.
I think I'd be better off dead.
I can't forgive myself for the things I've said.
The only way is to fill my head with lead.