THE DYSFUNCTION CYCLE

As I sit here overlooking the water with
the memories of a violent broken past, once
again you've destroyed your daughter. Mum
and Dad you made me grow up so fast, drunk
and fighting all the time. My childhood years
far from sublime.
Beaten and bruised ducking and weaving punches
and knives thrown at me. How could you do this, it's
caused so much shame it's clear to see. With shame
comes emotions and low self esteem.
A failure, unlovable, a bad person, a phony, defective
believing forever indeed that was me. Emotions of
shame, unbearable pain, people pleasing and I'll
never be the same. I don't deserve any happiness
which leads to addiction and co-dependence. My
childhood what a horrible state of ascendance.
So into the dark I decided to go, the drugs made me
forget each violent blow. I'd found true evil and I
thought I deserved this you know, hiding the shame
hoping it would never show. And so the cycle continued
to grow. Co-dependence and addiction kept on the down low.
I'll use and abuse you to feed my addiction the rent money
spent, who cares about eviction. I'm taking it all for my own greedy self.
The addiction so strong, it's the ultimate stealth.
We need one another now, but you'll be my cash cow. I'll steal
and I'll cheat, association with me will bring nothing but heat.
You'll lie and cover for me, enabling isn't this neat.
Not satisfied till you're homeless and out on the street. I'll even try
to convince you to sell yourself like a used piece of meat. I've
got you now, I'll control your tainted heart.
The only way out is to go back to the start.
The wild beast inside me, I've since learned to tame. Gone is
the dysfunction, the need to care take and the need to blame.
Non assertive communication is also a result of shame,
I've addressed it all for;
I now own the game.

 Written for Dale (Meth Lab Busters)
    2\3\16