FALLEN ANGEL'S SONG   (III)      (1999; Galveston, Texas)

 
 
i ve heard  
the elegiac echoes  
of such fear filled  
words before  
emptied from  
my hollowness  
released  
expressed  
felt and lived  
day and night  
for years  
and years  
by me myself  
alone  
in all my haunted  
late night  
cries and tears  
purged up  
from my own  
pale  fallen soul  
which arose  
up from  
the dark cold  
swamp  
of my own  
long lost  
weak  vain demise  
to hang  
so morbidly there  
so desperately stuck  
so relentlessly hopeless  
in its stale  
near lifeless air  
forced to breathe in  
the sickeningly sweet  
inescapable smell  
of my own exhaled  
prolonged  
pre death s  
pre tomb like
putrid  lifeless atmosphere
hovering
hanging
in the air
everywhere
here around me
but mostly
in my bedroom
where
i ve often tried
but so seldom
ever succeeded
in actually falling
sufficiently asleep there
where trapped within
it s ghoulish shroud
in which id felt and knelt
and repeatedly
melted down
more frequently
than i can either
recall or accurately recount
here now
so deeply into
so many
countless futile prayers  
during my darkest
loneliest hours
slowly sinking
ever further down
into the morbid
inner depths
where empty
black bogs
of absolute
hopelessness
swallowed me wholly
beyond all despair
in which my life
had become this
rotting stump
half sunk
too far gone
in so much toxic
stagnant mire
to ever leaf again
where cell matter
slowly decomposed
into vaporous gas
which drifted into
the dense
though unseen
pre ghost mist
up from this
twisted compost mess
my life had become
nearly extinguished
from too much
neglectful lack
of life s too brief
sacred fire
my inner ghost itself
teetering so long
upon the grievous threshold
of death s wide opened door
there beyond the vast
still yet ongoing
unfolding depths of it s
ghostly tomb like abyss
so long awaiting me
there and here
in that ever present
ever lingering
all consuming
increasingly darkening space
of further dwindling
spirit  mind and flesh
when suddenly
the universe
seemed to yawn
allowing me to catch
a brief  yet
timeless glimpse
there in the boundless  lost midst
of that infinitely vast
utter  dark  black void s
seemingly eternal
outermost realm
of absolute
total
as in
forever
emptiness
as if
nothingness
itself
not even a thing
or so one might think
were the only
true truth
and ultimate meaning
to life  to being
to everything
to it all
until a  
micro  small
very faint pin point of light
suddenly appeared  
like a faint and distant star
which in the failing
last breaths of
countless other
long forgotten
past lost lives
now gone
revived in me
here
at long last  once more
it s near forgotten
transcendent spark again
which became
this healing  inner sun
alive within me
whose divine light
eventually reawakened
my innermost being
from all it s
unfathomable
long anguished dark
up from whence
i gradually returned
to re emerge and rise again
to walk fearlessly once more
back out into life s freshening
newly quickened dawn
which rekindled new hope
against all odds
in this ex ghost
of my now vanquished        
much too early grave
now gone
where once more
here yet again
i was
and still am
reborn
back into this present now
so much stronger
than ever before
back here into
this joyous realm
of at least
some more
hopeful now
renewal
where life
oh life
sweet life
goes on
and on
both here
and there
within
without
from all our
individual and
collective lifetime s
recyclic journeys
upon and through
this wondrous  living earth
on out into and through
the even greater
great mystery  
eternally awaiting us
each and all
timelessly
transcendently
beyond
this presently
still ongoing
mass delusional
temporal  illusory
so called reality
which most of humanity
is still so obviously
so obliviously
apathetically
and so contentedly
living in and through
apparently
for the most part
completely without
even
the slightest
clue
of what unimaginably
much greater mysteries
already exist here
right under our very noses
unseen by most
hid just beyond
the invisible veil
the self created
perpetual  living hell
which only exists
and thrives
solely within
the self destructive
self defeating  inner limits
and never ending lies
of and in
our own misleading
self deluding
blind  illusory
egoic minds
from which
the only true key
to the only way out
which has always been
and still is
even here now
patiently  timelessly
awaiting our self limited
conscious awareness s attention
to hopefully  eventually
inevitably quicken
so our
higher consciousness s
true oneness awareness
can further awaken
and shift
in us all
into fully enlightened
transcendent being
ineffably beyond
who  what and where
we as a species
think we are
and know we are
along with
everything and all else
which currently still exists
and still presently is
here in this
our now
completely fucked up
rapidly dying
unsustainable world
where our only
one last chance
and hope
individually
and as a collective
species greater whole
is clearly now
completely
and existentially
contingent
and wholly
dependent upon
for us
each and all
is to simply
yet most
profoundly
choose to
either act
or not
upon
this
higher
truth s
only
one way
out