Of radio channels...

some channeling is dangerous,
but can be so habit forming.

vague secrets...

Ahhh, luv, you have such a way of putting things: succinct, accurate, gorgeously insightful... :-*

There are many of us who,    
knows this hum.. .but this  
whole piece feels like bzzz..  
.all thru-out..    
   
This is familiar,  but when the  
walk calls ->it shouts .  
   
Excruciating .. as i write this  
comment  
   
   
-Howlings

Ma cherie, you know it well, I see. :-*

This is familiar,  but when the  
walk calls ->it shouts .  

And, this, ahhh, this

Excruciating .. as i write this  
comment  

Simpático, we are... :-*

Send it in Morse code, that gets through even in the worst conditions...
JJ

Ahhh, luv, it does indeed. :-*

Tis the extant crystalline clarity that is the crux of the matter...

Totally get this ....

Somehow, luv, I rather thought you might.  
 
You are, after all, he who I named Granite, deeply layered visionary... :-*

Poetry?  Fkn ART. Akin to the top of Yoko's ladder. Super cool. 😉😇

Ahhh, blackhyde, luv, thank you so, so very much. I do not know that I can convey adequate gratitude for the words you've bestowed upon me. :-*

I am humbled...

most 'true' *
well-eXecuted....



* as  'true" as wee possible be

Thank you very much, luv. :-*

Tis a distinct privilege and honor, methinks, to have one as you who always strives to unveil our multitude of self-subterfuges and societal lies, political misleadings and deceits, human conceits recognize one's efforts at unexpurgated truth. :-*

Again, my heartfelt and sincere thanks, luv...

bless ye, dearest

it is a dangerous, beautiful thing when souls align. this is very well done.

truth. your art speaks truth.

Ahhh, luv, you have understood me fully, wholly, completely, in all ways...

Thank you, oh, thank you. :-*

Truth, ahhh, yes, THAT double-bladed, double-eged friend/foe...

Pure Poetry Savaja... :)

Geniusgirl, luv, thank you so very, very much. :-*

I treasure your words...

....radio static....then a crackle and pop....then clear....radio days { or how i came to marry FM ].....loved this...and careful souls are harder to clean and hold onto than a left sock

Ahhh, luv, this

....radio static....then a crackle and pop....then clear....radio days { or how i came to marry FM ]...

Perfection... :-* Did you mention speaking to one's soul? :-p

Mercy.

Those left socks are awfully ephemeral, aren't they... ;-p

I used to meditate....i got so good at it i could no longer relate to others.....so i stopped

Mayhap stopping was in your best interests ~ I do hope so...I confess, I suppose I'm rather selfishly glad and perceive twas in ours, certainly, luv. :-*

you flatter me greatly with your words....i am humbled

The visual appeal works so well with the emotional clout of this piece providing the reader with a unique reading experience. Very nicely done, Savaja !

Thank you very, very much, luv. :-*

I am so very happy that you found the vista before as you perused enticing and that that intertwined with the feeling evinced within to produce somewhat unique, luv.

Thank you, again. :-*

OMFG!! I soooooo gotta go to n thru list, delete something and ADD this!!! Wow... "I must (NOT) stop fucking you..." Yea, that was a 'verse screw' right there! lol

N omg..."Tis one thing for bodies to intertwine, wholly another for souls to align... " knocked me knickers off! lol

Erotic ninja, luv, thank you so very much for your lovely words to me. :-*

Though I am ever grateful to knock your knickers right off (believe me, my gratitude overflows here ;-D), I must say that I was quite serious in this when I iterated: I must stop fucking you.

No "not" in the mix...

Sadly.

Thank you again, luv. :-*

WOW! I love everything about this wonderful ink Savaja...the construcion is amazing.
Cheers...Harry

Thank you ever so much, luv! :-*

I am, indeed, immensely grateful you found somewhat wonderful and amazing herein.

Cheers, luv. :-*

Hullo

it reads very well. your voice is measured throughout although there's cause for pause with the words distance, deep, and decent. if you allow for the pause then happy days, but if you don't allow for it themes the chance it'll fuck with your pace n flow



I especially liked from "oh its swift"  to the final "more fool I"  reminded me of a poem titled Not I by Samuel Beckett

I liked that the narrator didn't vindicate herself, she seemed more matter of fact this is the way it is

there are a couple of places where word economy may be warranted, but not that lines or stanzas were ruined:

for instance, you might do without the what on the third line and when  i interact with you could simply be
when we interact

there may be something missing from this: ahhh, would that that were all it was) 


all in though, you've birthed a powerful poetry

*hat tip*

First, luv, I need to thank you for your sincere and comprehensive critique of this piece. Tis a joy, indeed. :-D :-D :-D  
 
I may voice this one based upon your discussion of pace and flow because invariably with this process I hear this in my head. Betimes, I forget what I hear is not, necessarily, what others are hearing when they read the piece.  

Of course, there is the question of whether I should impose my vision upon the thing...tis rather a conundrum, ultimately, which is resolvable in some ways by people having the option to listen to the voicing or eschew it, ne c'est pas? ;-p  
 
Thank you for mentioning this for it behooves me to keep in mind that what is in my head is not conveyed unless I evince it or emote it somehow... tis an easy thing (far too easy) to forget. :-p  
 
I'll be looking up Beckett's poem... :-D And, thank you for THAT comparison, luv! :-*  
 
Again, I thank you most heartily for picking up on this  
 
I liked that the narrator didn't vindicate herself, she seemed more matter of fact this is the way it is  
 
I rather adore what you said there.  
 
Word economy ~ heh. I DO rather tend toward the loquacious. ;-D (Surely, you've noticed...) :-p  
 
However, I tried what you mentioned and the flow and rhythm changed significantly. Also, there's some deliberate echoing here:  
 
Okay, so it could be  
 
I make decisions  
based  
on  
I know not  
 
When  
 
We interact  
 
I am  
 
which is a wholly valid construction and works except there is a certain repetition I think needs to be there. Now, I could be wrong here. I recognize this because this is all about how the poem feels to me. (I spend a great deal of time feeling my way through this, you know. :-p)  
 
Tis the "I" that is somehow crucial and important, no?  
 
I make decisions  
based  
on  
I know not what  
 
When  
 
I interact with you  
 
I am  
 
 
Four "I"s somehow important. I don't know quite why. I just know they are, luv. As for "what" ~ again, hmmm...feeling my way through, four words in each line there with "When" betwixt. Somehow symmetrical, somehow feels right.  
 
But, there's validity to your economy and sparsity of words, saying it as sparely as possible. Naught extraneous.  
 
There's a look to it, a feel to it ~ this is so terribly difficult to explain, luv, and I want to explain very much because I am valuing your words to me a very, very, very great deal. Critique is golden, makes one better.  
 
Hmmm...mayhap, I'll voice. Tis the best way inside my head. Heh. :-p  
 
Now, then, thank you very much, indeed, luv. I am deeply honored. :-*

I dunno about impose, I think the best we can hope to achieve would include a true representation of the thoughts or feelings which birth the words

I think, once we're aware the possible effect of (for want of a better phrase) word art might be to hinder the rhythm or pace or flow, or all three , or indeed aid either or all, there tends to be thought, so happy days

the four I's and symmetry remind me poems can be built and also I think people can be naturally symmetric in their thinking.  

with a spoken piece accompanying there would be an enlightenment insofar as how the lines and stanzas sound in your head. I myself would aspire to achieve such things through the words and line-breaks etc ..ok, its a hard enough task but gimme another couple of years


anyhow, my thoughts are rarely static. the more I learn, the more my thinking changes. you make some very valid points of your own

Thank you ever so much, luv. :-*

I rather adore this

This piece is wickedly written and structured.

Okay, aaand, this

The flow makes words dance around in my head similar to the way they're presented in texts.

Now that I think of it... ;-D

You know, twould, in fact, be quite a marvelous thing were one to learn how to do such a thing, indeed. However, at present, I am immersed in the minutiae of endeavoring to create some semblance of a real wee home voice studio (as opposed to recording on my BlackBerry) and, well, video manipulation is not high on my list of priorities. :-p

Mayhap, in future... ;-*

You are a gem, luv.

Again, I must thank you, indeed, for your kind words are a balm to my innermost heart. :-*

Thank you for having me read this, luv. You are correct.  Perception in its finest form.
Beautifully constructed.
Again appropriate.
Trish