deepundergroundpoetry.com
Admissions: I still care
I'll keep this short and sweet
You've got prose to post
Better work to read
Just hear me out
I'm rocking and pitching
I won't be saved
From those churning seas
I'm about to down
I'm just using the same words
To say the same things
The aqua filling my lungs
As I continue to sink
I've treaded water for years
Grabbing at planks of my splintered ship
To stay afloat
Drifting on the brink of death
And no matter what I pretend
And even though I wish I didn't
I still care what Valentine thinks
I still care what your opinion is
Connections:
I'm fucking depressed
Muted Ire
Short and Sweet
A Message for Saint Valentine
You've got prose to post
Better work to read
Just hear me out
I'm rocking and pitching
I won't be saved
From those churning seas
I'm about to down
I'm just using the same words
To say the same things
The aqua filling my lungs
As I continue to sink
I've treaded water for years
Grabbing at planks of my splintered ship
To stay afloat
Drifting on the brink of death
And no matter what I pretend
And even though I wish I didn't
I still care what Valentine thinks
I still care what your opinion is
Connections:
I'm fucking depressed
Muted Ire
Short and Sweet
A Message for Saint Valentine
Published 1st Feb 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 704
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Feb 2016 11:47am
Interesting write...defiantly made me think of what you were really trying to say, but yet your subject matter and message were clear.
I am really enjoying how your works almost seem to all play off each other in some way. Meaning...I found myself being reminded of each poem you listed after, GREAT JOB! being able to weave together poems that stand on their own, but can still instantly bring to mind other's so quickly and smoothly is really a true talent. awesome job.
My only real critique (and it's really just me nitpicking) is a couple of minor spelling mistakes, (not that they really mattered though)
Overall though, amazing ink and VERY, very well done.
I am really enjoying how your works almost seem to all play off each other in some way. Meaning...I found myself being reminded of each poem you listed after, GREAT JOB! being able to weave together poems that stand on their own, but can still instantly bring to mind other's so quickly and smoothly is really a true talent. awesome job.
My only real critique (and it's really just me nitpicking) is a couple of minor spelling mistakes, (not that they really mattered though)
Overall though, amazing ink and VERY, very well done.
1st Feb 2016 7:35pm
Thanks man,
I wrote this one in a hurry. I'm usually careful about spelling, so I appreciate the feedback. I just needed to vent, so I didn't worry about it, but I'll correct them when I get time.
I'm glad you're appreciating the connections. I try and only make them when there is genuine reason to. I never want them to feel forced. The point of them is to show that all of my work is an expression of me; not just the newest or most popular. The most precious parts of us never die. Sometimes they just sink for a while.
Thanks for being such a loyal, thought-provoking reader. I appreciate it.
I wrote this one in a hurry. I'm usually careful about spelling, so I appreciate the feedback. I just needed to vent, so I didn't worry about it, but I'll correct them when I get time.
I'm glad you're appreciating the connections. I try and only make them when there is genuine reason to. I never want them to feel forced. The point of them is to show that all of my work is an expression of me; not just the newest or most popular. The most precious parts of us never die. Sometimes they just sink for a while.
Thanks for being such a loyal, thought-provoking reader. I appreciate it.
