Alone and Dreaming

 I try not to look in the mirror any more
I barely recognize the person trapped in it
wasting no opportunity to mock me

I am resigned to all the things I will never have
No matter how much or what I acquire
there will always be a hole
quietly laughing at my attempts to fill it

I'm going back to sleep now
The last and only place I can be free
Entering a relaxed and dreaming state
A journey to find a way to stay there forever

At times I feel frozen in time, standing still
But nature abhors resistance and
time pushes into you, over and around
like a rock jutting up from a stream
You see time pass you
and you are helpless to connect

Searing narcotic insights force my understanding
Were you or any of this real?
Has my life been one long, sad dream?

My isolation murders me
The weapon, a jagged piece of memory
of better days long since passed

Here in my crypt, filled with Things
to show the world I was here and I was someone
Is that the message they convey,
meticulous in their arrangement?

They say the heart wants what it wants
How can mine want both isolation and love?
The world sees and acknowledges me
seeking understanding and sneers at me
with indifference