Beautiful One My Lovely Fairy

thank you beautiful one :)

I love you..

xoxoxoxo Brenda

I love this ^_^

thank you Kavik for showing me love on this write :)

love Brenda

Crim,

A magical write from a magical lady! Loved your line:
"I blush in innocence    
longing to brush against    
your rose colored lips"
Enjoyed!!!

tornado

thank you Tornado graciously :)

with love Crim

Honey,
This came from such an elegant, romantic tongue,
You are quite versatile and so elequent here.
Straight to RL

Love
Jennifer

thank you from my heart beautiful Jennifer :)

love Brenda

Brenda, this is beautiful.. i love every line.. such brilliant work.. your pen is very passionate my friend.. always follow it.. into my list it goes.. with love, and respect...



Dave

thank you most graciously Dave :)

love Brenda

the golden imagery is amazing, with a little bit of crimsin here and there... go girl...

thank you kindly Dean :)

with love Crim

A perfect fantasy Crim!  The fairies add sparkle until the Master arrives, and he proves a perfect gentleman.

" you turn to your Master    
asking "what is our destination?"    
he says "wherever you heart desires"

This one soars, Crim.  Pure magic!

thank you Sir Crow made me smile with your comment :)

love Crim

thank you kindly Gabriel :)

love Brenda

Beautiful! Picturing Tinkerbell in this piece. Magically Devine! 💕Sissy

thank you Sissy I'm happy you enjoyed :)

love Crim

Brenda this was beautiful. You are a
truly gifted lady. Able to write about what ever subject matter you desire. This was so beautiful, filled with so many lovely images.
Thank you for yet another glimpse
into such a beautiful, complex mind.

Keith

thank you graciously Keith for such beautiful comments :)

with love Brenda

a truly beautiful write crimsin. it's like reading a fairy tale form some of my favorite fantasy novels.  

thank for sharing  

thank you most kindly DP :)

with love Crim

A couple of grammatical things first: "it's" should be "its" in verse four because it's a possessive, not an abbreviation of "it is", and "you" should be "your" in the poem's last line.

Now, on to the meat of the piece: the story is a good one, atmospheric and imaginative, appealing to a deep emotional need for acceptance and magic in many people. However, the story is executed in a very rushed and matter-of-fact way, which seriously detracts from appreciation of it. The first step to overcoming this may be to delete the "I" from the first verse and write the whole poem in the second person. The second step may be to slow the narrative right down. Instead of pulling us from one action to the next like a bullet train, evoke your world in little observations. For instance, these verses:

"your eyes seeing only the frozen grounds    
with the first sip of potion they've given you    
your third eye eases open    
   
as you start to relax    
your Master is here    
he has been awaiting your presence"

...could be sharpened into something like this:

"Frozen earth is all you can see.
They hold a potion to your lips,
you drink. Like some old door, Third Eye opens.

You relax and the Master arrives,
he has expected you,
and you, of course, are here."

These are just my suggestions, and I hope they help! xxx

Dearest Jack thank you for your honest critique it's deeply appreciated..

I fixed the grammatical errors..

really this would have been better as a short story then it wouldn't read in such a hurried fashion..

I won't change this one but I will remember your advise for future writes..

your thoughts are deeply cherished thank you..

love Crimsin

The cadence, and imagery is breathtaking.. I was swept away within this magical paradise... This poem is nectar to a parched heart... Love it.. - blue angel  .. testes wings... lovely

thank you beautiful Angel I love your visits and thoughts :)

love Crim

I cannot even pick a favorite as we know well you've captured the
Faerie Queen's heart w/this, darlins Brenda!
magic fondles your pen purrfectly in uplifting lines.

your lovely cascade is a a soft blushing snuggle to add
beautiful shine on a blessing we so cherish!
**perfect, everywhere!.sez me ;) *mwahs
loves this and you,
~d

thank you lovely d~ for showing me love on this special write :)

love Brenda

poetry of an enchanted land. elegance & grace, Crim...

thank you John :)

with love Crim