Dreaming of You  (Tanka)

so very beautiful Rina :)

with love Brenda

Thank you Brenda, glad you liked it.
It's nice to believe in love i guess :)
Thanks again, much respect to you.

Soft and steady imagery, Rina.
I can feel the breeze.

Thank you Ahavati.
These constricted forms are not always easy to show smooth steady flow, but this one I must confess came easy.

This reads like a soft breeze. Very nicely written. I love it.

What a great compliment!!
Thank you so much Sammy for finding a place for it in your list :)

What a sweet sweet dream :)... Very nice!

how's that song....'dream a little dream of me...' lol
its good to dream PIKM, thank for dropping by, always good to see you :)

How can I not feel sexy when you're around Gabriel ;)

The Beauty of a deep ache- perfect capture Vee!!!

The days intertwine with endless nights caught into spider silk dreams.
I'm glad you liked this short poem Soul, thank you :)

The metaphor and simile usage both accented the feeling of incompleteness perfectly. Great ink

There was definite intention to tie up the imagery of first 3 lines with the last 2 lines.
I was hoping the syllable count wouldn't throw off or sacrifice the flow but it worked without excessive usage of words. I'm very happy with the result.  
Thank you Hedons for appreciating it.

NP. And as to your meter, it lended a certain esoteric haiku-esque vibe. I think it worked to the inks advantage. Keep up the good ink.

Lovely Vee .May I suggest' twirl and wirl'

Great suggestion Mr. Kexby.  
I like it, thank you very much for the help.

Better still spell wirl with an 'h' !whirl ! I felt the two tees were a little harsh. Nice piece of writing..

classical beauty of its type -
I can't think of any I've read
to better it...

it's lovely...

ah, you made my day Paul with your awesome compliment, thank you so much!

Rina, my friend.....this is enchanting!

With the sweet, sad longing within these lines.....and the gentleness of your vivid imagery......welllll......this piece touches the heart, and speaks to the soul

Thank you for sharing such a memorable scribe!

Enchantress, very glad you liked it, since you're the mistress of these forms and any kind of an encouraging feedback is truly an honor.  Thank you!

sweet dreams fade to bitter loneliness. mournful lyric...

Longing is such an underestimated emotion.
it can be overwhelming at times.  Thank you John :)

You can get lost in the spinning of that fan... been there, done that.  You say so much more with 5 lines than most get on a full page.  Nicely done, Rina.  Enjoyed.

Michael

Especially where i live, the fan spins longer than any other place in the country  lol
Thank you very much Michael, yes, very true.. sometimes those moments of longing seem endless.

"My skin dreams of dew" my my my that line alone set the page on FIRE!!! love the play on words,the longing encrypted in every line..nothing short of Exquisite!!! Bravo

The feverish skin speak a language of its own, don't we know it PD!
Those nights can set the forests on fire :)
Thank you much kindly..im thrilled you liked it.

You bring such an eloquence to just about any form/style of writing you choose. You always make us fall in love with the imagery and the words.
Bravo mamacita ; )

As you know this was written for a comp at another place and i submitted 2 other 'hotter' ones lol  There's fierce competition going on for sure ;)

Thank you my beautiful Lena for always enjoying my work :)
I love your passionate spirit.

Beautiful write Vee. The opening line was wonderful.

Anon, you liked it!!!  It makes me feel complete!
Thank you for enjoying this softer, romantic side of my writing.

Adding even another syllable to this poem would be too much.  Perfection is perfection.

Most often less is more and I have such respect for anyone who can pull it off time after time.
It's so good to see you Matt, I know you've been busy lately but maybe we can catch up again with your projects.
Thank you for your wonderful comment, it means so much to me!

well im back to writing, and posting and such.  we have quite a bit going on in the moment

A very sexy poem about longing. In just a few stanzas you able to make me feel a wide range of emotions.

Thank you for sharing

Sometimes that's all it takes, just few words to say everything.
Thank you DP for appreciating it.

such soft beauty... a shallow of words concealing deep meaning...

Thank you Dean :)
Your comment and feedback are greatly appreciated.

I love Tanka and this didn't disappoint...Like the moon night after night missing you...lovely image...I have a few published with tanka journal you submit this.

That's wonderful Tim, i'd love to see it, hope you publish them soon.  Most people take these types of forms for granted thinking its easy but it takes great deal of thought to find just the right words/wording to convey.

I will share them with you...I it saved in a file...Will search tomorrow

Well ...welcome to my world lol ;)
These forms are always so Beautiful-This was a Gorgeous as I expected-True they aren't as easy as they may look at first glance-I Love the fact that one has to make themselves slow and internalize when creating them.
My internal words sing Your name and praise at all times-sometimes though I let them slip out onto a page, or Your ear....Such things of delicate Beauty are still to me concrete........solid/true and without doubt but Proper path :*

Agreed.  
Thank you for dropping by with your wonderful comment.