My Life is a Contradiction

My 2nd attempt ever at a poem. I'm starting to like making these. It allows me to express my true emotions without being judged so harshly.

Any HONEST opinion is appreciated, on both the message and the structure of the poem. I want to create better and better poems, and would love opinions on how to make mine better.

Thanks to everyone who is reading, best of luck.


My Life is a Contradiction

My whole life is a contradiction.

I have the key to a cell that I have created myself, yet I stand here puzzled on how to get out

I feel pain, even though I show the most happiness in my expressions
it's not how we're perceived in image, but how our character shouts out to the world

I am screaming.
I want out.
While I smile and stare into yours eyes, do you feel my pain I try to hide?
Am I doing good enough to keep it out of sight?

I hope so.. or do I?

Some days I wish people would notice, just ask me how my day has been
I would say "it's ok" even though it's not exactly what I mean
I want to be heard, and yet I stay silent
heh, ironic

So is the fact that I want to be understood, and yet I don't understand myself
I want to be warm and safe, but i'm afraid to melt.

My whole life is a contradiction.

Claiming I'm free minded while fighting multiple addictions
I have a mission,
a mission to one day free myself from my own dispare
wake up from this haunting nightmare

The demons.. They control me. Every single action that I take.
and every reluctant thought I make, It's not me. It's them

They will always be there, but I am at my ready
I ward off whatever tries to get through..
but..
I'm tired.
Tired of fighting.
Tired of worrying what happens if i lose.
but i won't lose, i am strong. Right?

I dont know anymore..

Like I said, my whole life is just a fucking contradiction.