My thoughts used to race, now they can't run

I'm losing it,
I'm also liking that its lost.
But ridding myself of
rambling thoughts did not come
without a cost.
Because between the rambles
were thoughts that mirrored
genius,
Although my mind was
certainly scrambled,
it still was derived from the
smart egg, intact previous.

Though my days are
spent quieter now.
I sort of miss when
they were brilliant and loud.
Before I stepped into
this resilient cloud
formed from self destruction.
I won't stop now, I've been
taken in by the intoxicating
suction.
The mind numbing seduction.

Killing brain cells like
they're the reason
for my corruption.

But I'm still not satisfied.
I cleansed myself of racing
thoughts but I fogged my mind.
Numbing my brain by taking shots
but I still can't find,
the place inside that's a happy medium.
I teeter between extremes
My demons starve or I
over feed them.