deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sleep Don't Creep
I can't seem to go to
sleep. Sleep!
I just wanna tip toe and
creep. Creep!
But I tell myself no, just
count sheep.
You don't wanna go too
deep. Sleep!
As I hear the kitchen faucet
drip. Drip!
My mind begins to slowly
drift, slip
into what I want and
miss. Wish!
How on earth can I
resist this?
I can't get my mind to
wind down.
Can't even begin to
find sound
reasoning behind this
new-found
obsession that's got my
mind bound.
And when I can't seem to
feed need,
this hunger consumes with
greed, freed
from any kind of care,
caution or heed
to how my soft heart will be
left bleeding.
Everybody I know just
sees me
as if I'm a window so
clearly
with my heart shown on
my sleeve,
but still my mind's blown when
they leave.
Doesn't matter how hard I
try, I
can never really lie or
hide my
thoughts, emotions and pain
inside, I
just don't seem to know how or
why. Why?
Why do I always let them just
use me,
Discard, mistreat, beat and
bruise me;
why must I always choose to
lose me,
just because they briefly
amuse me?
I think it's finally about that
time, I
no longer pay mind to
swine, I'm
ready to start drawing my
lines, I'm
the only one who can
define mine.
And now again, it is time to
sleep. Sleep.
Tomorrow's promises I must
keep; keep
holding on to what free
really means,
and I'll be the one to finally
seize dreams.
Published 4th Aug 2015
| Edited 7th Aug 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
4th Aug 2015 1:58am
There are parts in this that drive me a little mad because they deviate from the rhythm. So if you have suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them!
7th Aug 2015 4:06am
I can definitely resonate with being re-molded, packaged, preened, marketed, in order that some manipulative scumbag could promote whatever lame role they had in mind for me. That's how human swine is though. We either like people because we see qualities in them that we have, or because they have qualities we'd like to have. If certain qualities are missing we either identify with that friend as someone to look up to and learn from. Or if we are a fucking scumbag we see those positive traits as weaknesses or some service that they can provide once they're pawned out. "Oh I'm not very smart at ________, but my friend is, so they're my go-to for ________" Once digested as an unquestioning reflex move, these same punkass chodes take root in your brain because whenever you interact with them, they don't provide thought-seeds, emotional gifts, they won't elevate. Just leave hooks. So the brain stirs, feeling betrayed, but also those barbs cause bleeding, which leads to creative energy.
As for the rhythm break? The only part that deviated was
Why do I let them
use me,
emotionally beat and
bruise me;
why do I choose to
lose me,
just to briefly
amuse me?
It seemed like the last two or three set-up lines went faster than the the rest. I would drag this stanza out, rather than just questioning the masochistic drive, you might flesh out the feeling a little more. Maybe talk about specific gimmicks employed, or a single searing episode to exemplify the chain. I liked the smooth pacing of this piece. Good release!
As for the rhythm break? The only part that deviated was
Why do I let them
use me,
emotionally beat and
bruise me;
why do I choose to
lose me,
just to briefly
amuse me?
It seemed like the last two or three set-up lines went faster than the the rest. I would drag this stanza out, rather than just questioning the masochistic drive, you might flesh out the feeling a little more. Maybe talk about specific gimmicks employed, or a single searing episode to exemplify the chain. I liked the smooth pacing of this piece. Good release!
7th Aug 2015 4:46am
"So the brain stirs, feeling betrayed, but also those barbs cause bleeding, which leads to creative energy."
I have to agree...despite the pain caused by "punkass chodes," it DOES lead to some interesting creative output. I am more likely to be inspired by pain than pleasure. Though they both have their place in my writing.
Thanks for the input. I'm going to have to think more on it. This is actually a piece that I have been toying with on and off for several months. It literally came to me at about 3 a.m. one night when I couldn't sleep thanks to a faucet and a torrent of gushing emotions. And it's not quite where I want it to be, but much closer than it was when I originally began writing it.
Thanks again for all your comments, I really appreciate it!
I have to agree...despite the pain caused by "punkass chodes," it DOES lead to some interesting creative output. I am more likely to be inspired by pain than pleasure. Though they both have their place in my writing.
Thanks for the input. I'm going to have to think more on it. This is actually a piece that I have been toying with on and off for several months. It literally came to me at about 3 a.m. one night when I couldn't sleep thanks to a faucet and a torrent of gushing emotions. And it's not quite where I want it to be, but much closer than it was when I originally began writing it.
Thanks again for all your comments, I really appreciate it!
