deepundergroundpoetry.com
Nevermore
Sometimes I look out
My window and think
I see you walking up
The road your curls
Glinting in the sunlight
I catch the sound of
Your voice in the people
Walking by the house
And my heart rises
On a wave
The falling comes
When I realize it
Will never be you again
The sun loses its glimmer
And I turn back to
Where it’s safe
Inside myself
My window and think
I see you walking up
The road your curls
Glinting in the sunlight
I catch the sound of
Your voice in the people
Walking by the house
And my heart rises
On a wave
The falling comes
When I realize it
Will never be you again
The sun loses its glimmer
And I turn back to
Where it’s safe
Inside myself
Published 26th Jun 2015
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Anonymous
- Edited 26th Jun 2015 11:27am
26th Jun 2015 11:26am
Hello. I like the general vibe of this poem. It fits very well into the love category and has some great introspection as an ideal. For the record, I do read all poems out loud when I read a poem, and found myself tripping over this one. I'd like to suggest some subtle punctuation to rectify this, if I may:
St1 L4 - A comma in between 'the road' and 'your curls' as this line runs into itself.
St2 L3 - A comma after 'walking by the house'
L5 - A full stop after 'wave'
St3 L3 - A comma after 'again'
This is of course my own opinion, and you don't have to listen to any of it :) I did enjoy this, regardless.
Thank you for the read.
St1 L4 - A comma in between 'the road' and 'your curls' as this line runs into itself.
St2 L3 - A comma after 'walking by the house'
L5 - A full stop after 'wave'
St3 L3 - A comma after 'again'
This is of course my own opinion, and you don't have to listen to any of it :) I did enjoy this, regardless.
Thank you for the read.
Anonymous
26th Jun 2015 9:04pm
<< post removed >>
27th Jun 2015 11:06am
