hiding (smoke and mirrors)

Anticipation
as smoke and fire
approach each other
to meet in an embrace
or a wall
of battle
as they crawl
across the rattle
of my mind,
consuming anxieties
of itchy unrest.

Tension
grips my face
as it waits
to remember to forget,
to forget,
to remember
that december
is hiding
on the other side
of the rotation
of the sun.

every smile
hides a sense
of precondition,
every stare,
a history
of preconception,
bias; a greasy film
that gets in all the cracks,
leaving transparent stains
across anything
it touches.

I feel like a child
so I decide
I need to hide
from your eyes,
now wide
in shock,
my tantrum,
(hopefully)out of character,
giant tears
draining into
my sobbing mouth.

Let me drown
in this silence,
it's less embarrassing
to choke on your
own grief
when you're all alone.
Let me wrap
black velvet
across the twisted face
of my grease-streaked
broken mirror

and hide.