Secret Like A Mist

A secret like a mist.
Spreads its poison,
through your chest.
Holding you.
Moving you
Keeping you.

Sick.

A sickness.
You have carried,
deep inside your soul.
Twisting,
and carving
and turning you cold.

A heart you once had,
just a memory now.
As fog rises up,
you turn back around.
You delve into your past,
where there is nothing left.
That is remotely close,
to solid ground.

Just a smoke that disintegrates.
With stale hope,
left over from long ago.

Where you search,
until you lose yourself.
I watched you fall off track.
You try to find it,
your way back home.
I know sometimes,
that you forget.
Is it easy?
To sit in a room and forget,
what it feels like to
​be alone​.

I'm sorry.
I can't bring you peace,
or make you feel alive.
It's a sad story,
when you finally realize.
I didn't want to say this,
but your never gonna find it.
The gap between the silence.
The missing space.
Filling the cavity,
that once made you whole.
Like a breathing human being.
Still moving,
in the remnants of your soul.

One day you woke up,
and your heart had stopped.
Forgetting its color.
Beatin​g black and white again.
Living for the simple things.
You thought,
that they could understand.

You forgot the light,
that used to live there.
Shriveling its roots.
Ignoring you,
as the stitches tare.
Abandoned and shaken,
shrieking with fear.
Hanging stiff,
like rotten soaking men.
Lynched,
without a purpose.
Bleeding their blood,
for those you once loved.

​and I am barely scratching the surface.
A wretched stench,
fills the air with death.
Grasping so tightly,
you try to hold on.
You can't take this
nausea for very long.

Just breath in it's absence.
For a moment,
while it's gone.

Tormenting you,
with eyes so full of hate.
You're mesmerized.
Once it's in your head,
it's so hard to escape.
An explosion exhumes light.
A fire burning with fury,
so bright that it blinds you.

Something so simple.
A sadness radiates.
Shaking through you,
like an earth quake.
Claiming destruction,
in it's wake.

The pulse of this now rotting,
as clear as this day.
Of course you can see it,
from miles away.
Almost as bright as the stars,
fucking glow in the dark.
Nothing like this,
have you ever seen before.

Wandering alone,
in the quiet.
They say,
"You reap what you sow",
but did i ask for this?

I once believed in purity.
A love you could hold,
in the palms of your hands.
But such a thing,
does not exist .
Forced to admit it,
I was lost in the abyss.

A novel you wrote in depth,
so that you could forget.
A way to distract yourself,
from your real life.
For years hiding,
from the tears in her eyes.
Every justification,
justified.

Once I went out looking,
for happiness.
The kind you read about,
in that book store.
Where the fiction novels,
are kept right by the door.
You spend your time there,
dreaming.

Preaching your beliefs,
"Just come into the light".
Trying to convince me.
It really exists,
but you lost that fight.

So here I sit.

In this candle lit,
bottom-less pit.
Alone,
just you and I at last.
Where only we exist.
We sip on this poison,
Satans only gift.
So we can set free,
our long aching demons.

Where the only think you ask,
is for me to take another rip.
Toke on this devilish shit.
Inhale,
don't think.
Sit back,
and kick it.

Where we will never again,
feel anything that's real.
Erase ourselves.
Forget what it is to heal.

Do not remember.
Your scent,
your touch.
Do not want to know,
what our love really was.

The last kiss.
How you traced the lines,
across my lips.
Then held me in your arms,
forever.

I except these depths as home.

On this day,
and every day after.
No more light,
just darkness.
Where our eyes have adjusted,
and we love the burning.
After a while you get used to it.
People have lived here,
for ages with the fire.
They'll tell you that pain is ok.
It never leaves your side,
and after a while
I can see that they are right.