deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dreaming
i feel your body
next to mine
wanting you more
than any other time
you say you want me
so i kiss your lips
losing the clothes
i feel the touch of your finger tips
things get heated
and i hear you screaming
i open my eyes
and i realize i was dreaming
cause youre not there
next to mine
wanting you more
than any other time
you say you want me
so i kiss your lips
losing the clothes
i feel the touch of your finger tips
things get heated
and i hear you screaming
i open my eyes
and i realize i was dreaming
cause youre not there
Published 15th May 2011
| Edited 16th May 2011
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comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th May 2011 1:44am
16th May 2011 5:22pm
since the title is "Dreaming" you might consider making the last line: "you're not there." which gives an emptier sense, more economically. Just some constructive crit.
16th May 2011 9:51pm
11th Jul 2011 7:25am
22nd Feb 2012 5:53am
good dimensions in the subject.soft feel through out. break the phrase "feel the touch/ of your finger-tips" n it saves the flow. the end was a train-wrek.... even after a few reads
