deepundergroundpoetry.com
We Hold Our Hearts Together With Pins
Pins and nails
Sink deep into our souls
Our pain is mutual
When you pull
I tug back...
Something has got to give
All you do is take
There is not much resistance left
Undo another metal suture
Releasing these feelings bleeding out
Roses and thorns
Tie into our very being
Our pricked wet love
Is unraveling slowly
You hold all the threads
Somebody has to let go
All we do is pound these pins and nails
Deeper inside...
Until it's to hard to look away
From our bleeding open wounds
Iron leverage is what it takes
Pounding ever so deeper with the hammer of love
You hold the handle and I hold the head
Lets keep driving them in
Until we are completely together again
Somehow you have to let go
Leave me to be sewn up
By the darkness
These pins have left to many scars
You have left to many bruises
Too many pins binding our broken hearts
Barely strung by a loose thread
(A collaboration by maikeru555 and death12365)
Sink deep into our souls
Our pain is mutual
When you pull
I tug back...
Something has got to give
All you do is take
There is not much resistance left
Undo another metal suture
Releasing these feelings bleeding out
Roses and thorns
Tie into our very being
Our pricked wet love
Is unraveling slowly
You hold all the threads
Somebody has to let go
All we do is pound these pins and nails
Deeper inside...
Until it's to hard to look away
From our bleeding open wounds
Iron leverage is what it takes
Pounding ever so deeper with the hammer of love
You hold the handle and I hold the head
Lets keep driving them in
Until we are completely together again
Somehow you have to let go
Leave me to be sewn up
By the darkness
These pins have left to many scars
You have left to many bruises
Too many pins binding our broken hearts
Barely strung by a loose thread
(A collaboration by maikeru555 and death12365)
Published 13th May 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 7
reads 997
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th May 2011 4:46am
i like how youkeep the same metaphore going the whole poem might have to try doing that myself some time i tend to get sporatic but nice job
14th May 2011 5:17am
Anonymous
16th May 2011 9:54pm
<< post removed >>
16th May 2011 10:48pm
22nd May 2011 3:46pm
I like the idea of this
a little suggestion... "Pounding ever so deeper? with the hammer of love"
The words \'ever so deeper\' used together this way just don\'t look quite right..
"Pounding ever deeper with the hammer of love"
Or even something like
\'Pounding relentlessly deeper with the hammer of love\'
Even simplifying it to \'deeper and deeper\'
Would do a whole lot to cleaning up this particular line.
Now that is out of the way, i can compliment you on this.. It is a very well laid out piece with lots of strong lines and great use of wording. Relatable on many levels and most of all, beautifully conveyed emotion.
"Somebody has to let go
All we do is pound these pins and nails
Deeper inside...
Until it\'s to hard to look away" this is gold.
a little suggestion... "Pounding ever so deeper? with the hammer of love"
The words \'ever so deeper\' used together this way just don\'t look quite right..
"Pounding ever deeper with the hammer of love"
Or even something like
\'Pounding relentlessly deeper with the hammer of love\'
Even simplifying it to \'deeper and deeper\'
Would do a whole lot to cleaning up this particular line.
Now that is out of the way, i can compliment you on this.. It is a very well laid out piece with lots of strong lines and great use of wording. Relatable on many levels and most of all, beautifully conveyed emotion.
"Somebody has to let go
All we do is pound these pins and nails
Deeper inside...
Until it\'s to hard to look away" this is gold.
Anonymous
30th May 2011 3:01am
I came back to check on this piece that we collaborated and on didn't even think peeps would have this much to say about it! Thanks everyone for the read!
Anonymous
31st Jul 2011 8:59pm
<< post removed >>
