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15th Feb 2015 7:50pm
Hells yes, now that's what I'm talkin' about! Powerful piece Tori! Loved every line, great use of imagery, rhyme and metaphor...*Food for thought.Try and use punctuation and not capitalize each line so the reader knows where to start and stop reading each stanz. Even incorporate end stop lines as well as line breaks to bring even more depth to each line. Great work!
To break your piece down, I came up with something like this...
You left bruises on my neck,
yet you've already been forgiven,
but it left a scar on my heart
a little more hidden.
The emotional damage
led to a downward spiral.
Smoking and drinking;
the secret has gone
viral.
A new reputation;
pity and sorrow.
I refuse
to be a victim;
strength
is earned, not borrowed.
For the sake of love,
I forgave you.
For the sake of me,
I forgot.
You've moved on,
and live happy now,
but I'm still carrying
the baggage that you brought.
To break your piece down, I came up with something like this...
You left bruises on my neck,
yet you've already been forgiven,
but it left a scar on my heart
a little more hidden.
The emotional damage
led to a downward spiral.
Smoking and drinking;
the secret has gone
viral.
A new reputation;
pity and sorrow.
I refuse
to be a victim;
strength
is earned, not borrowed.
For the sake of love,
I forgave you.
For the sake of me,
I forgot.
You've moved on,
and live happy now,
but I'm still carrying
the baggage that you brought.
26th Feb 2015 10:03pm
