deepundergroundpoetry.com
And you become the lions
Do you wanna take a step back
In fact I'll extract your ambitions
Set traps on your expeditions
And when you reload I'll remove the ammunition
You take your adventure to the jungle and hunt down your prey with binoculurs
Then tackle them down with calming gestures
And finnaly ripping them apart with a cage
The poor animals are dead inside and want to leave
But you only see them as food and a zoo attraction...
In fact I'll extract your ambitions
Set traps on your expeditions
And when you reload I'll remove the ammunition
You take your adventure to the jungle and hunt down your prey with binoculurs
Then tackle them down with calming gestures
And finnaly ripping them apart with a cage
The poor animals are dead inside and want to leave
But you only see them as food and a zoo attraction...
Published 5th May 2011
| Edited 6th May 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
16th Jun 2011 8:10pm
the first four lines are prime, they flow like a verse. on the whole it paints a picture, but the colors begin to run after those first 4.
that being said, just because the color is outside the lines doesn't mean its not still a great image. but there's a faint line between disarray and beautiful chaos that can only be discerned with careful attention. wherever you stand in relation to that line is your choice, but make sure you're aware of where that is.
that being said, just because the color is outside the lines doesn't mean its not still a great image. but there's a faint line between disarray and beautiful chaos that can only be discerned with careful attention. wherever you stand in relation to that line is your choice, but make sure you're aware of where that is.
16th Jun 2011 8:35pm
Yea I gusse im having a little trouble keeping in flow. i kinda jumped to soon. But this poem is about rape
16th Jun 2011 8:42pm
i figured. thats a subject ive never written about, but my favorite bands have touched on it to say the least (ive had to do some horrible things to stop several too many rapes. i really dont like thinking/writing about it because it dredges up 100% negative energy in me)
