deepundergroundpoetry.com
The door is shut
You can't get through
I won't let you in again
the lights are off and the edges sealed
there's no way now
for you to seep into the lights warmth
and creep into sleeping thoughts
of soft embraces
where gentle fingers roam
the soft lines in dreaming faces
and brush cracked lips that part for breathless kisses
so lay back and settle down
into a hooded mind full of the puddled warmth
that comes with knowing
that the door is locked
and not knowing who's hand
flipped the world with the twist of a key
I won't let you in again
the lights are off and the edges sealed
there's no way now
for you to seep into the lights warmth
and creep into sleeping thoughts
of soft embraces
where gentle fingers roam
the soft lines in dreaming faces
and brush cracked lips that part for breathless kisses
so lay back and settle down
into a hooded mind full of the puddled warmth
that comes with knowing
that the door is locked
and not knowing who's hand
flipped the world with the twist of a key
Published 12th Jan 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
Tender, romantic, vulnerable- but strengthened by it.
I am always a fan of these things when they're are not over extended, and I usually find that yours are not. And particularly not here... may be a line or two that I would lose, just to let some of the stronger lines sit on their own, but nothing is too loose, and I def enjoyed the write
I am always a fan of these things when they're are not over extended, and I usually find that yours are not. And particularly not here... may be a line or two that I would lose, just to let some of the stronger lines sit on their own, but nothing is too loose, and I def enjoyed the write
18th Jan 2015 2:06am
Thank you very much Lb, lol as much as I cringe when I'm being described as tender and vulnerable, if say it's warranted in this case. What are the lines that you would lose?
