deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Birth and Tragedy of Eloa
(Inspired by Alfred de Vigny’s epic poem)
Jesus wept upon hearing of the death of His friend
Lazarus, and one of His tears fell into an urn.
And from this crystal urn there rose a figure; the
Figure was the form of a girl.
The figure had wings, soft, white feathers with a
Silver tinge, and she was therefore an angel.
And Jesus spoke a word, and the word was ‘Eloa!’
And the girl angel said, ‘I am here!’
Eloa was a beautiful and kind angel, very much loved
By the other angels and all of the creatures of the earth.
But in time, she was banished from heaven; her crime
Was that she copulated with Lucifer, who was himself very
Beautiful, with long blonde hair flowing to his shoulders.
He had seduced her, perhaps not out of wickedness,
But out of love. How had he seduced her?
He never told her his name.
However, Eloa was not cast into Hades. Instead,
She wanders in a petrified forest, alone.
Forever and ever.
Blessed be thy name.
(Art by Howard Lyon)
Published 11th Jan 2015
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likes 13
reading list entries 2
comments 13
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The author encourages honest critique.
11th Jan 2015 11:34pm
John it is a tragic tale of a beautiful angel forever kept from her love Lucifer.. love this ink :) with love Crim
Anonymous
12th Jan 2015 00:03am
This was a very moving tale. One if love and birth and terror. Very good!
Normally I don't ever mention any kind of changes or suggestions to others, but the word 'copulated' stands out. It is surround by beautiful words and imagery and it....sticks out as almost strerile. Just my opinion.
Normally I don't ever mention any kind of changes or suggestions to others, but the word 'copulated' stands out. It is surround by beautiful words and imagery and it....sticks out as almost strerile. Just my opinion.
12th Jan 2015 00:18am
thanks for your feedback, Min. 'sterile' is an interesting descriptor for a word that refers to fornication. I needed a word that clearly described her act with some impact, but not explicitly overt. 'copulated' seemed to be the best choice...
Anonymous
12th Jan 2015 00:25am
i know sterile isn't the best way to describe it, but i just stuck out.
became one? that is a very understood phrase for sex.
deflowered by lucifer...
i don't know. sorry for sticking my nose in.
became one? that is a very understood phrase for sex.
deflowered by lucifer...
i don't know. sorry for sticking my nose in.
A wonderful image...brought to life by this beautifully sad tale
...enjoyed
also, I had not heard of the poet that inspired your poem...so Thank You for giving something new to ponder...😊
...enjoyed
also, I had not heard of the poet that inspired your poem...so Thank You for giving something new to ponder...😊
12th Jan 2015 1:09am
I thought that Eloa actually did end up in Hell in the de Vigny poem, but you do say "inspired by" so the end may be your own. The image at the end of the petrified forest is fascinating. The final tenderness of "Blessed be thy name" is moving. Angels have freedom of choice. Eloa made a tragically very human one.
Wandering soul in the petrified forest..this angelic outcast! Makes me relate the contemporary lucifers n rakshas n raavans hunting innocence, its only but atrocious when in the name of love. It touches strong sentiments in me in many ways.
as in one comment above, the word,'copulated' doesnt seem to glue well with the read, given the settings. But i have no other suggestion too. In one way, this word adds harsh abruptness needed as a turn of events. Neways, its JHO.
as in one comment above, the word,'copulated' doesnt seem to glue well with the read, given the settings. But i have no other suggestion too. In one way, this word adds harsh abruptness needed as a turn of events. Neways, its JHO.
Fascinating! An angel created from a single tear from perfection. Every deceived angel aches toward her path. The wilderness whispers the pain. You bring much honor to the epic poem. Nicely penned! ❤
12th Jan 2015 2:21pm
Not a story I was familiar with, so very new and fascinating for me.
As usual your use of words is masterful. You tell the tale using few words - excellent :-)
As usual your use of words is masterful. You tell the tale using few words - excellent :-)
12th Jan 2015 3:49pm
13th Jan 2015 4:44pm
17th Jan 2015 10:51am
You bring another meaning to the devil is always in the detail.
Another stunning and creative piece, as always !
Another stunning and creative piece, as always !
23rd Oct 2016 11:57am
A sacred angel,fallen and condemned by her own love for unlovable things.
Stunning, John, as is the artwork that inspired it....
Stunning, John, as is the artwork that inspired it....
