it wasn't good to see you

You walk in like nothing’s changed
say my name
roll it off your tongue all casual
and tame

I’m not buying it

My heart grows a frantic bird
beating against my bones
begging to get out
and all I can do to save myself
is smile
roll your name off my tongue
likes it’s meaningless
like you never made me bleed
into the bathroom sink
trembling with a terror
I barely knew how to contain

Because I’ve seen the way you play the game
watched you slip beneath the skin
of those you claim to love
using words like a weapon
to hurt and control
glass fragments on the floor
where memories could have been
if they weren’t so broken

We talk around each other
and I don’t let a single thing slip
while you chatter about drugs
your husband that wasn’t
and I pretend to care
wishing you’d leave
before I crumple onto the floor
in a semi-relieved mess
of old bruises and cigarette butts
recollecting the ease of the way
we used to be
before I learned love
wasn’t a two way street

You leave with a
“it was good to see you, Indie”
and I say “yeah, you too”
before I light up a cigarette
and inhale it like it’s a life buoy
my lie lingering like blood on my lips

© Indie Adams