deepundergroundpoetry.com
Confusion
I fear I'll never understand
You draw me in
Get me hooked
And the closer I try to get
The more you push me away
You give yourself to me
Just long enough to get intimate
With every inch of you
Your touch
Your scent
Everything
Then quietly slip away
With my heart
Leaving me with nothing
But a hole
In my chest
And alot of questions
You draw me in
Get me hooked
And the closer I try to get
The more you push me away
You give yourself to me
Just long enough to get intimate
With every inch of you
Your touch
Your scent
Everything
Then quietly slip away
With my heart
Leaving me with nothing
But a hole
In my chest
And alot of questions
Published 17th Nov 2014
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reading list entries 0
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Nov 2014 10:50am
Simple but effective. A good, natural rhythm to the words to my mind. Perhaps a little more imagery would give it more resonance and depth. That is possibly the reason that the most effective part is the final six lines. Which is where you want it, after all.
17th Nov 2014 11:24am
Thanks for the honest crit. Was having trouble with the imagery, it came out kinda blurry, as this is the first thing I've tried to.write in months. But, hopefully, I'm headed in the right direction.
Thanks for your insight :)
Much respect,
Sir
Thanks for your insight :)
Much respect,
Sir
17th Nov 2014 3:49pm
Your pain and confusion come across so vividly in this ink Sir excellent with love and respect Crim also glad to see you back :)
17th Nov 2014 8:55pm
