street light musings

1. The streets are full of shadows that stalk me
they’re just kids addicted to nicotine
and tonight I’m no better
$5 down for the smokes I stole
on the way out her door

2. We’re not equal here
he said I’m strong
I don’t get to be weak anymore
and I carry those words with me
in a way they weren’t intended

3. My hands ghost bloody knuckles
and cracked lips
from the hits I chose to take
because I can’t justify giving in

There are tears in my eyes
that never quite spill over
onto bruised and trembling skin  
because I have too much pride
to let these dark streets see me cry

4. The pavement is a mirror
of storylines from another place and time
there’s a lighter in my hand
and a spray can in my bag
I can still remember what it felt like
to almost light him on fire
as we let Mary Jane take us for a ride

5. We say hi
we talk the talk
I stand frozen and shaking
brave with a prayer to the universe
that I won’t fall under the press of bodies
that stand before me
and promise one hell of a time
in the darkest ways possible

6. Miracles happen
and breathing has never felt
so revolutionary

7. I’m ghost footprints on pavement
past the cigarettes and empty paint cans
if there is no one to see me
I’m not really here at all

8. After all these years
I still want to burn the world
and it would be too easy to let myself
succumb to the demon whispers
that would have me forget that
I’m 37 months sober

9. I smoke cigarettes like they’re worth it

10. They never are

11. I don’t need your permission
to fall apart

© Indie Adams 2014