when we lean we crumble

I lean on you and we crumble
like everyone I’ve ever leant on before
love only gets us so far
and I’m more used to betrayal
than loyalty in a world
where momentary lust
and the lure of money
hold more weight than years

She’s says she has a baby soul
has the innocence of a child
in a grown up body
and I envy the way men fall
for her
and wrap her up
in the protective bubble she craves
without her ever having to assert
any kind of dominance

I can’t imagine always
being that vulnerable

Don’t get me wrong
I don’t want her life
I just envy the ease in which
her universe seems to fall into place
after every disaster

While I am not myself
who I am is anyone’s guess
though today I’m consumed with the idea
that I can break the face of life
if I can just hit it hard enough
when reality dictates that it’ll break me
before I break it

I am tired of being a leaf
on the wind
I am tired of feeling
like a victim
I am tired of being jealous
of the people I love
because they’ve grasped things
I’ve never been able to get my fingers around

I tell myself if I don’t lean on you
if I don’t lean on anyone
we won’t crumble
we won’t bend
we won’t break
and I won’t have to stitch up my heart again
like it’s a patchwork quilt of heartbreak

Is it any wonder
that I get tired of falling apart?

I lean on you and we crumble
I reach for the dustpan and brush again...

© Indie Adams 2014