Lost thoughts

I feed off the insecurities, of other people.
To compensate for impurities and thoughts of evil.
I may resemble someone free of demons.
But inside, my thoughts scream and my dreams are weeping.
Sanity broken, unsure if I'm awake or sleeping.

Smiling is my shell, but I burn internally.
My mind perpetually tugged at, by dark thoughts that seem to flirt with me.
So much in my grasp, left unaccomplished.
Time flying by so fast, I no longer care to watch it.

Blinders on, eyes closed, I stumble over greatness.
Unsure if I can escape my fate, things unsaid, leave holes gaping.
People left behind, simply not conducive.
People tossed aside, but only once I’ve abused them.

A cynical sadistic fallen saint, tainted by intoxication.
Fading to a place so quaint, only to be awoken by
my own frustrations. Void unfilled, even after satisfying temptations.
Joys and thrills acquired from poisonous pills,
reality boxed away, I'm too scared to face it.

Lost in limbo, I linger. Trembling fingers prepare
to pull an unremitting trigger.
Waving the wondrous world so long,
I shoot my last sad smile.
Then consummate my cruel life, once so pure, but now defiled.