I Find Myself

I find myself recently struggling.
Struggling to find my joy.
I find myself recently questioning.
Questioning myself to destroy.

I can't seem to find a way to smile.
But I can certainly indulge in a frown.
I can't seem to find the next mile.
But I can certainly find myself down.

I find myself recently asking.
Asking what's left here?
I find myself recently begging.
Begging happiness near.

I can't seem to find a way to laugh.
Suddenly nothing is funny.
I can't seem to find my other half.
Suddenly it's only crummy.

I find myself recently crying.
Crying all that I have.
I find myself recently lying.
Lying so I can laugh.

I can't seem to self medicate anymore.
I think I'm past that stage.
I can't seem to find the next door.
I think I've wondered into a cage.

I find myself recently okay with death.
Death seems so sweet.
I find myself recently FUCKING what's next.
Next is 6 deep feet.