life

here i am again in my room all alone.asking myself why im so fucked up.everything i believe is always wrong.sitting on the floor trying not to let these thoughts overcome my mind.staring at the blade hoping that ill be strong enough not to cut.deep inside the pains so strong.thinking about the feeling of relief that came from the sharp steel slicing across my skin.cutting the pain away such an obviously twisted display.ironically it always made the pain go away.wanting to breakdown and cry but no tears fall from my eyes.how can pain an anger derive from ones honesty.if im not mistaken i always thought pain was caused by lies.should i have buried my feelings or should i of lied.if i lie im not being myself.if im honest im somehow betraying him.lost in my own skin,trapped within.