deepundergroundpoetry.com
Homing
I'm going to Burma.
Don't try to put me off with your talk
of insects
or thieves
or living conditions
or your fucking ignorant
spoiled mindset
that tells you that you deserve
a sparkling porcelain throne
to put your shit in.
I do pity the fools
that think
they must have all the amenities
on their tourist track
because they will
guaranteed
miss every bit of fresh breath
in the land
the faces
the art
and the dirt under the fingernails
of a childrearing grandmother
teaching her three-year-old grandchild
to weave.
Keep your first-class vegetarian meal
and vodka
premium headset
and the catalogue in the pocket
of the reclined seat in front of you
and all five stars
of your scheduled stay
at the Holiday Inn Resort.
I'm going to Burma
with a rucksack
and traveler's checks
my swimsuit
my skirts
and my favourite jeans,
and I'll stay in a room
with 3 other guys
or girls just like me
that are there for the life
and the breath
of the land
and the food
and the faces
for the sun
and the sea
and the dirt
and the scars
for the ride.
And maybe
maybe
I'll come back.
Don't try to put me off with your talk
of insects
or thieves
or living conditions
or your fucking ignorant
spoiled mindset
that tells you that you deserve
a sparkling porcelain throne
to put your shit in.
I do pity the fools
that think
they must have all the amenities
on their tourist track
because they will
guaranteed
miss every bit of fresh breath
in the land
the faces
the art
and the dirt under the fingernails
of a childrearing grandmother
teaching her three-year-old grandchild
to weave.
Keep your first-class vegetarian meal
and vodka
premium headset
and the catalogue in the pocket
of the reclined seat in front of you
and all five stars
of your scheduled stay
at the Holiday Inn Resort.
I'm going to Burma
with a rucksack
and traveler's checks
my swimsuit
my skirts
and my favourite jeans,
and I'll stay in a room
with 3 other guys
or girls just like me
that are there for the life
and the breath
of the land
and the food
and the faces
for the sun
and the sea
and the dirt
and the scars
for the ride.
And maybe
maybe
I'll come back.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 2
comments 46
reads 1242
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Just do it!
Anonymous
31st Mar 2011 11:19pm
(Go to Thailand)
In three words -
A magnificent poem.
Makes me feel
Like running away.
Want to come?
In three words -
A magnificent poem.
Makes me feel
Like running away.
Want to come?
1
re: Just do it!
31st Mar 2011 11:24pm
Comment
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Apr 2011 00:10am
1st Apr 2011 00:08am
I don't normally like poems such as this, because they often seem false and sneering, some liberal hippie telling the world how to live, but here the sentiment feels real, the attacks on bourgeois living genuine. The narrator clearly loves Thailand and has a grit which is palpable. The last three lines are gorgeous.
My only real quibble is your use of "bidet". To my understanding bidets aren't toilets, they're special seated sinks in which women wash their vaginas, so you wouldn't put your "shit" in them.
My only real quibble is your use of "bidet". To my understanding bidets aren't toilets, they're special seated sinks in which women wash their vaginas, so you wouldn't put your "shit" in them.
1
re: Comment
ha! you're absolutely right, Jack. thank you for pointing that out, i think i've remedied the situation by adding "toilet" after "bidet". think it fits?
and i meant "Thailand" to represent more than just the one country. it's meant to be sort of a random choice, but a firm one. and this is kind of a message to someone that will never read it... i know many women that never want to leave their state/province/country and i just don't understand it.
and i meant "Thailand" to represent more than just the one country. it's meant to be sort of a random choice, but a firm one. and this is kind of a message to someone that will never read it... i know many women that never want to leave their state/province/country and i just don't understand it.
re: re: Comment
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Apr 2011 00:19am
1st Apr 2011 00:16am
Well no because there's no such thing as a "bidet toilet". That's like saying "fork spoon". I don't know for sure though so you better look it up. Like I said: "To my understanding..."
0
well...
re: re: re: re: Comment
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Apr 2011 00:21am
1st Apr 2011 00:20am
I think you can have a bidet nozzle or something attached to a toilet, but the fact is you don't shit in a bidet. Well, not without getting thrown out of the hotel...
0
re: re: re: re: re: Comment
1st Apr 2011 00:24am
ok, ok. "porcelain throne" then. i concede, you are technically correct...i double-googled. ha ha, thank you. [:
re: re: re: re: re: re: Comment
Anonymous
1st Apr 2011 00:31am
You once took a dump in a bidet, didn't you Jacki? And then complained when you couldn't find the flush? Oh Jacki...
"Porcelain throne" is actually the perfect expression for that line and the attitude it's attacking.
"Porcelain throne" is actually the perfect expression for that line and the attitude it's attacking.
1
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Comment
1st Apr 2011 00:33am
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Comment
ok, fair warning for if you want to do the same: i'm about to delete my last three comments and this one for this write. it's misleading to the readers. [:
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Comment
Anonymous
1st Apr 2011 00:43am
Sure just send me a PM when you're done and I'll edit my first post and delete the others.
0
You're going ...
.... may I come too? You convey freedom and adventure. So tantalising .... good poem Jacki :)
0
review
1st Apr 2011 3:30am
re: review
...
Anonymous
1st Apr 2011 7:29am
I wouldn't want to be that person.
0
re: ...
1st Apr 2011 8:48am
Hm.
Thailand isn't exactly a disease ridden cesspit though, is it?
I get the idea of women often being caught up in the conveniences, people that only want McDonald's even when they're surrounded by a beautiful culture. Maybe clean this up just a tad, like the part about airplanes since we all need airplanes to get somewhere, and you could have a very decent write, in my opinion. Thanks for the read.
I get the idea of women often being caught up in the conveniences, people that only want McDonald's even when they're surrounded by a beautiful culture. Maybe clean this up just a tad, like the part about airplanes since we all need airplanes to get somewhere, and you could have a very decent write, in my opinion. Thanks for the read.
0
re: Hm.
yeah, thanks, i was bashing it out and posted it before bed, but it's great to get constructive feedback, especially because i have a certain soft spot for a few of the sentiments. thanks for your time. [:
LA
1st Apr 2011 9:02am
A really fun write. I think it's true that some people are not willing to travel out of no dare. You really took it there and pulled it back in a very bitter manner. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
1
re: LA
1st Apr 2011 9:10am
haha, thanks, LA, i was a bit pointy at the time, and motivated, so it turned out kind of bitter i guess. thanks for commenting, glad you could enjoy it. [:
Re: :o)
1st Apr 2011 11:43am
Hey Miss J,
Loved it :o)
(Mainly because I understood it, I didn't have to think to much, lol)
I could picture what you were saying without trying to make out what you were trying to say, lol
Try and understand that reply, lol
Loved it :o)
(Mainly because I understood it, I didn't have to think to much, lol)
I could picture what you were saying without trying to make out what you were trying to say, lol
Try and understand that reply, lol
0
Go, girl, go
2nd Apr 2011 9:33am
A brilliant piece of provocative prose (obviously, by all the comments), and a tantilizing travel tease. Hey, did you ever go? [and I don't mean in the bidet...] :)
1
re: Go, girl, go
2nd Apr 2011 9:40am
i haven't been yet, but i'm damn well on my way once my immigration status is tidy. :D (by all the comments - haha)
thank you for your feedback, i'm off to take a look at yours if you have them posted. [:
thank you for your feedback, i'm off to take a look at yours if you have them posted. [:
Explore and Enjoy!
2nd Apr 2011 6:56pm
I can understand how this poem might seem to be a bit of bashing at upper class uppities, sometimes it seems self righteous. Ironically what I suppose you deem them to be. However I very much praise the ethos of what you're conveying - be open minded, liberate yourselves - explore and enjoy, in this respect, what a great poem! Lovely writing and great word useage.
2
re: Explore and Enjoy!
2nd Apr 2011 9:59pm
thanks for your comment. [:
i guess it can come off as being self-righteous. *huff another error on my part probably! the speaker isn't meant to be bashing self-righteousness of people, it's more their closed-minded attitudes (especially in the West) where they often seem to want the world to conform to *them* wherever they go instead of the other way around.
i'm so glad you liked it though, and thanks for the feedback. it is much appreciated. [:
i guess it can come off as being self-righteous. *huff another error on my part probably! the speaker isn't meant to be bashing self-righteousness of people, it's more their closed-minded attitudes (especially in the West) where they often seem to want the world to conform to *them* wherever they go instead of the other way around.
i'm so glad you liked it though, and thanks for the feedback. it is much appreciated. [:
'it's more their closed-minded attitudes'
- yeah exactly, I don't think you are being self righteous, i'm just saying I can understand why some people might see it that why :)
You make a very insightful and intelligent point and certainly there are no errors on your part - speaking your mind is no error, just in the way you might feel a flourish of anger and write a hateful poem, the feeling might waver but the poem remains a thought of the moment......
You make a very insightful and intelligent point and certainly there are no errors on your part - speaking your mind is no error, just in the way you might feel a flourish of anger and write a hateful poem, the feeling might waver but the poem remains a thought of the moment......
1
re: 'it's more their closed-minded attitudes'
3rd Apr 2011 11:55pm
Comment
Anonymous
3rd Apr 2011 9:18pm
<< post removed >>
re: Comment
3rd Apr 2011 10:25pm
I'm going too...
4th Apr 2011 1:41am
...not this summer, but next (Myanmar, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand). Anyway~I do like the bite in this as well. I see these types of tourists in my travels through Asia all the time, and I see the backpackers as well. I'm somewhere in-between, but hey~I'm old(er). I like your perspective here, the openness to experience and other cultures, as it can be so life-changing, paradigm-shifting. I hope you get to go!
0
re: I'm going too...
oh, your comment is inspiring. i want to go so badly, even somewhere in between (though hopefully more backpack-bound) is good for me. i don't need absolute extreme, but i have to, *have to* really be there and present, not dawdling on the tourist track. muchas gracias, Lauren. [:
travel itch...
4th Apr 2011 12:50pm
im not really sure where Myanmar is, but I definitely love your passion here, this makes me wanna travel too!
0
re: travel itch...
ah, it's out Asia way. [: but i'm glad that little bug is even a bit contagious. it's torture for me but i wouldn't want to go on without it either. thanks! [:
re: re: travel itch...
4th Apr 2011 1:10pm
really? geez I'm an asian myself and I was born and raise somewhere there in Asia but I've never really heard of Myanmar before, geez, shame on me (I'm really bad in geography though) but thanks Jacki, this is a good reminder for everybody how wonderful it is to appreciate other culture.
1
re: T-factor
17th Apr 2011 7:58am
:)
22nd Aug 2011 1:42am
screams what i feel right now. In need of an escape from the eyes of our pretentious world.
by the way, i've been to burma. it was breath-taking in every way. Especially Bagan.
by the way, i've been to burma. it was breath-taking in every way. Especially Bagan.
0
re: :)
22nd Aug 2011 1:52am
re: :)
dear god, woman, thank you...i knew we'd connect somehow, i could tell by your style. [:
i will go and it's in my nature to do it right. wanna come? [:
i will go and it's in my nature to do it right. wanna come? [:
:)))
10th Jan 2012 11:12am
I love it ha ha totally it made me laugh like crazy as I totally get your point , fuck what people say and their stereotypical tourist attitudes of sensibility and comfort , if you're going to go for you , you do just that right ? I would and have gone against wishes and the odds of circumstance and people , not to burma but it's the same principle , and if you go , come back jesta please :)
0
re: :)))
10th Jan 2012 4:39pm
hey, thanks for venturing into the back catalogue! forget about these sometimes...
ah yes, adventures are always ringing me... i'll probably end up coming back, much to my own chagrin. [:
ah yes, adventures are always ringing me... i'll probably end up coming back, much to my own chagrin. [:
Delicious
28th Feb 2012 10:21am
It really is. After reading the comments, I must say that 'Porcelain Throne' actually works better anyways. It's a better image fit with the metaphor of an actual throne and not just a shitter, which is relevant to the theme. A good play on words in other... words. Yeah.
Also, those last three lines really drive it home.
Also, those last three lines really drive it home.
0
re: Delicious
28th Feb 2012 2:03pm
indeed, the throne helped the mood out a lot... i'm so happy you're liking these, thank you :D
Re. Homing
9th May 2016 5:43pm