"Unsent Message"

Sometimes I stay up long enough to think of you, to just for a moment miss your smile right before you laughed, which was rare because of your serious mask that you always wore. Then I remember that I loathe you so my marrows shake with pure agony. I also remember that I'm free from you, you don't own me against your sheets anymore. Your fist is not my fear, I have a new fear to laugh at because this fear will never happen and I know this. My love will not leave me, I'd never dare let her she's too precious too dear to my heart now. You've hurt me I believe only once in the way of flesh like that, I am grateful to you for doing so though. You made the person I am today hate who I've been, but this person doesn't cry themselves to sleep, she will never be that way again. I love my life in general parts in the parts that are close to my memories but so unlike my unsure imagination. I don't know where you are and sometimes I wonder but surely I no longer care, I don't often think of you and your red sweater or your odd way of walking or your angry sheets that twist in your fists when you had a moment or the way you begged on your knees that day for me to keep you close, despite the bruise on my arm or the way you had to force yourself to cry when I let you see my arms, the marks and lines that you caused me to do or the way you hated the sound of my voice when I said "I love you". I feel better not knowing where you are, better off without your lavender scented sheets. I do only wish that you are treated with the same respect you had shown me.

Rest In Peace,
Because to me you are dead.