Awaken Zombie

Why can't I just fall asleep; a forever living Hell,
I'm lying here, wide awake, trying to break from my shell.
I am stuck here with my thoughts, but no words can be spoken,
Can't stop this addiction, but repeatedly, my heart is broken.
My eyes, wide in shock; lips sealed in a firm line,
A dead Awaken Zombie, faking that she's fine.
Every glance at a thought, flashes through my mind:
Love, Hate; regrets wished to rewind.
I can't stop my thinking, thinking of one fear:
Suicide makes me wonder, the reason of being here."
Just stop it! Leave me alone!" screaming at the walls,
But the fear overcomes me; it's echoing through the halls.
I try to ease the pain, cutting with my knife,
Every slit of my wrist, bleeds out my drama in life.
I can't stop now, because I've come this far,
So, I keep on cutting; my feelings hidden in a jar.
All the marks and scars everywhere, I'm looking at them now,
Realizing what I've done, "I've gotta stop somehow!"
The flashback is all over, closing with a cry,
A silent tear rolls down my cheek, remembering I almost died.